100 Ways to Make Tōshirō Throw a Temper Tantrum
by Rainbow Fruit Loop
Summary: Annoying Captain Hitsugaya is always fun, right? Ever seen him throw an absolute temper tantrum? No. Neither has anyone in Seireitei. Here's one hundred ways, guaranteed to make him throw a tantrum. What could possibly go wrong? Not to be taken seriously.
1. The Beginning

Disclaimer: All of the characters mentioned belong to Tite Kubo. Oh, how I wish I owned Bleach. But I don't, so I have to write fanfictions.

Author's note: Well, hey! I read something vaguely like this in another Fandom, and I though: 'Why not make one of these for Bleach?' And so I have. At first, I was going to make it Byakuya who they annoyed, but then I changed my mind (:  
>Since this is ONE HUNDRED WAYS I'll need some help thinking of some ideas. One hundred is a big number, my friends.<br>I'll try to update every few days. But I can't promise anything (:  
>Contains spoilers for the Soul Society Arc.<br>The first chappy is 'told' from Renji's point of view. But that doesn't really matter.  
>Please, please review - and give me some of your ideas! All are appreciated!<p>

~Rainbow Fruit Loop.

* * *

><p><strong>One <strong>**Hundred ****Ways ****to ****Make ****Captain**** Hitsugaya**** Throw a Temper Tantrum.**  
>~Chapter 1~ <p>

It all started one warm, normal day.

Rangiku Matsumoto sighed.

"And so _that _is why my Captain frustrates me." she said, running a hand through her long, golden hair.

"Wait. Lemme get this straight. He annoys you 'cause he never, _ever_ loses it?" Renji Abarai asked, baffled.

"Yeah! I've never seen him throw a temper tantrum! He's so… weird!" Rangiku exclaimed.

"Not as weird as my Captain!" Renji said, scowling.

"…Whatever."

"At least he's not a traitor." Shūhei Hisagi said, also frowning.

"And he's not Kenpachi, that's for sure." Ikkaku Madarame stated.

Rangiku took a sip of her drink.

The group of friends were sitting at the local bar. They were drinking alcohol, although they were not drunk.

They had been banned from drinking more than a glass each – because of an 'incident' the previous week.

_Barring that hideous incident from my mind…_

Renji raised his eyebrow.

"Well, whatever. What does it matter?"

Ikkaku snorted in amusement as Rangiku's jaw dropped open.

"Of course it matters! I want to make him completely and utterly lose it! I want to make him throw a temper tantrum!"

"That sounds… dangerous. You don't want to mess with Tōshirō, that's for sure." Renji mumbled seriously.

The entire group started laughing.

"What? He's a Captain! He could…I don't know. Make us test subjects for Captain Kurotsuchi or somethin'." Renji said huffily.

"He wouldn't do that to me." Rangiku said, grinning. "And anyways. I have a plan."

She leant forward, a sly smile on her lips.

"We're gonna make a list, called 'One Hundred Ways to Make Captain Hitsugaya Throw a Temper Tantrum!"

Renji grinned.

_This might be fun._


	2. Water

Author's note: Hey guys! Well, this is the first 'plan' to make Captain Hitsugaya completely lose it (: I'm still needing ideas - I have 39. Haha. Well, please review! I'll try to update as soon as poss. (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop.

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><p><strong>One <strong>**Hundred ****Ways**** to**** Make**** Captain**** Hitsugaya**** Throw a Temper Tantrum****.**  
>~Chapter 2~<p>

_Number__ One.  
>Fill<em>_ up__ every,__ single__ container __in __his __bedroom__ with__ water._

"I'm sure this isn't a good idea." Yumichika Ayasegawa warned, as the group of six shunpo-ed to Captain Hitsugaya's house.

"C'mon! Don't be such a spoilsport!" Rangiku cooed.

Renji had managed to convince Ichigo Kurosaki to help.

_God knows why he's in Soul Society, but whatever._

"It'll be fun to annoy Tōshirō." He had said.

And so Renji, Ichigo, Rangiku, Ikkaku, Yumichika and Shūhei were off to the Tenth Squad Captain's house to fulfill the first thing on the list.

"So, what will we do if he's there?" Shūhei asked.

"Oh. Um, we'll be sneaky. In fact, I should have brought my black spy suit!" Rangiku gushed.

All of the males were silent, as they let an image of Rangiku wearing a tight, black spy suit float around their heads.

The group finally arrived at Tōshirō's house. It was surprisingly large.

"How do we get in?" Ichigo asked, reaching for his Zanpakutō.

"No! Don't break a hole through his wall, dumbass!" Renji growled, shoving Ichigo's arm out of the way.

"Who are ya calling 'dumbass', jerk?" Ichigo demanded, scowling.

"You're the one who thought it would be subtle to destroy his house!" Renji retorted.

"Guys! Shut up or get a room already!" Ikkaku hissed, smirking.

Both Renji and Ichigo turned red.

"Freak." They both muttered under their breaths.

"Alright. Let's get going!" Rangiku enthused.

They all snuck around the side of the house.

"There's an open window." Shūhei commented.

"Yeah! Who's small enough to go in through it?" Rangiku asked.

_It seems to me that she's the 'leader' of the group._

…_I wanted to be leader._

"Yumichika." Ichigo commented, smirking.

"Well, it is true that I am lithe enough to fit, yes." Yumichika said, flicking his hair.

"Get your ass in there." Ikkaku said, grinning wildly. "I wanna annoy Tōshirō now!"

"Gee, have patience, Ikkaku. Impatience is not a beautiful virtue." Yumichika commented, wriggling through the window.

"Yeah, well, whatever."

* * *

><p>Once the entire group had made their way into Tōshirō's house, they made their way to his bedroom.<p>

They were pleased to note that he was absent.

"Wasn't there a Captains' meeting today?" Shūhei asked, looking around.

"Something like that." Renji mumbled.

"So, why are we here, exactly?" Yumichika asked.

"Right. I want everyone to find anything that can hold water, and fill it up." Rangiku instructed. "There's water in the en suite bathroom. When you've filled up the item, place it in the centre of the room."

Ichigo grinned, and picked up a random dish. He strode into the bathroom, and filled it up. He then placed it in the centre of the room.

Renji watched in amusement as the little group got to work. They were picking up (and filling) everything; from stray boxes to toothbrush mugs to drinking glasses.

_If_ this _doesn__'__t__ make__ him__ angry,__ I__ don__'__t__ know__ what__ will._

* * *

><p>Tōshirō's shoulders hurt. It had been a long Captains' meeting, and now he felt stiff.<p>

So he was completely unprepared to walk into his house, and find every _single_ dish filled with water.

_What the hell?_

There were dishes, glasses, vases, lids, mugs, containers. Everything was in the centre of the room, filled with water.

There was no where for the small Captain to stand.

Tōshirō scowled. He was more confused than angry. He looked around.

He _thought_ he saw a face at the window, but dismissed the idea.

_How am I going to get rid of the water? It's everywhere!_

_And I don't want to spill it._

He reached for his Zanpakutō, whilst shaking his head.

_Whoever did this will be sorry._

"Sit upon the frozen heavens! Hyōrinmaru!" he yelled.

Every drop of water turned to ice, and then promptly shattered.

_There._

* * *

><p>"Aw, damn it! He didn't throw a temper tantrum!" Rangiku whined.<p>

The six of them were now huddling around a random bush in Tōshirō's garden.

"Maybe 'cause he had a solution?" Ikkaku asked, crossing his arms.

"Maybe. You know, we could get in a lot of trouble of he found out it was us." Yumichika stated. "I don't want Kenpachi going ape on me."

"Chill, Yumichika." Ichigo said, _not_ being helpful.

_It__'__s __ok __for __him._He_ doesn__'__t__ have __a__ position__ to__ lose._

"We'll meet in the bar, same time tomorrow," Rangiku started. "And we'll start plan two."

**Mission failed.**


	3. Doodles

Author's note: Hey! Sorry for the long wait, anyone who's reading (: Thanks, PoeticNonsenseNinjaStyle for your review & idea. Your idea will be the next chapter!

Please, continue reviewing; I want to know if I should continue writing! (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop

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><p><strong>One <strong>**Hundred**** Ways**** to ****Make ****Captain**** Hitsugaya**** Throw a Temper Tantrum****.**  
>~Chapter 3~<p>

_Number Two._

_Draw stick figures on every single page of all of his reports._

"Well. This is gonna be amusing." Ichigo stated.

"Yeah. Where's Tōshirō?" Renji asked, looking over at Rangiku, who, for comedy relief (Renji presumed) was wearing abnormally large sunglasses.

They were _inside_ the Tenth Squad Office.

"I told him that I would take care of the office today. He's training some new-comers." Rangiku said.

"Right."

"Where's Ikkaku and Yumichika?" Shūhei asked.

"Kenpachi is making them fight."

_And then there were four of us…_

"Let's get started, then." Renji said, standing up.

He strode over to the nearest pile of paperwork, and picked it up.

He handed reports out to everyone in the group.

Rangiku handed out pencils.

"If we draw them in pencil, he'll be forced to rub all of them out." was her explanation.

Renji presumed that she had just forgotten to bring pens.

"Yeah, but we use a pen, then he _won__'__t_ be able to rub them out." Shūhei commented. "Wouldn't that be more effective?"

"Hey! We don't want to annoy the Captain-Commander. 'Cause if he punishes Tōshirō for drawing on his work, then Tōshirō will punish me!" Rangiku complained.

_Sure._

"Are we drawing pictures of ourselves?" Ichigo asked.

"…Do you _want_ him to know who drew on his reports?" Rangiku asked incredulously.

"Yeah. Why not?" Ichigo grinned.

"Well that's just stupid!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

Renji tried to ignore their bickering.

He focused on drawing the perfect stick figure Ichigo.

_Man, if someone's gonna get the blame for this it may as well be him._

He glanced over at Rangiku's work. She was, too, was drawing Ichigo.

Renji sniggered.

The group sat in silence, the only noise being Rangiku's quiet humming.

The Sixth Squad Lieutenant grabbed another report, having drawn stick figure Ichigos in the corner of all the pages of the report he currently held in his hand.

Said Lieutenant watched what Ichigo was drawing.

Unsurprisingly enough, he was drawing Renji.

_Jerk._

He frowned, and strained his neck to see who Shūhei was drawing.

It was Rangiku.

_Hmm. She's gonna get busted by Captain Hitsugaya. _

…_Fail._

An hour and a half later, every single page of every _single_ report of Captain Hitsugaya's had a stick figure on it.

The group had decided to draw all of the Captains, and all of the Lieutenants, as well as anyone else they could think of.

So Tōshirō would be greeted with lovely pictures of a smiling Kenpachi, and beautifully drawn pictures of Yamamoto and his stunning beard.

* * *

><p>Captain Hitsugaya strode into his office.<p>

As per usual, his Lieutenant was no where in sight.

_She's probably drinking something somewhere._

Tōshirō wondered briefly why he didn't fire her – she didn't actually _do_ anything.

As he sat down at his desk, he reached for a pen. He noticed a small stick figure in the corner of the page.

_What's this?_

Tōshirō frowned, presuming that Rangiku had been bored, and reached for the eraser.

After rubbing it out, he filled out the first page of the report. As he turned the page, he noticed another small character.

_Why is there a drawing of Kurosaki here?_

Tōshirō growled to himself, erased Ichigo's body, and cursed his Vice Captain for being childish.

He flipped over the page, just to see if there was another one, which, of course, there was.

"Matsumoto!" he growled.

The small, white haired Captain flicked through the rest of the pages. He got a slight fright when he came across a drawing of the Sixth Squad Captain, Byakuya Kuchiki, _smiling._

_Nngh…!_

As Tōshirō continued to search for drawings in the rest of his reports, his scowl got deeper and deeper.

In the end, his patience disappeared. Instead of erasing the 'doodles', he merely ripped the corners off all of his reports.

_Damn her…_

* * *

><p>"Here are the reports, Captain-Commander Yamamoto." Tōshirō said, handing the First Squad Captain his reports.<p>

"Thank you, Captain Hitsugaya."

Tōshirō made to leave, when he was stopped by the Captain-Commander clearing his throat.

"Why are all of the corners missing?"

Tōshirō paused.

"They were annoying me," he snapped grouchily.

He left the room, but _didn__'__t_ throw a temper tantrum.

**Mission failed.**


	4. Candy

Author's note: Hey guys! Thanks for your reviews and ideas! To vampire13princess: I'll use your idea for sure! Not sure when, but in the next few chapters (:**  
><strong>Credit for this chapter's idea goes to PoeticNonsenseNinjaStyle!

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><p><strong>One<strong>** Hundred**** Ways ****to ****Make**** Captain**** Hitsugaya**** Throw a Temper Tantrum****.**  
>~Chapter 4~<p>

_Number Three._

_Give him an anonymous large basket of candy._

When Tōshiro Hitsugaya walked into his office, he was not expecting to see what he did.

A giant basket of candy.

_Did Captain Ukitake leave these for me?_

Rolling his turquoise eyes, the Captain strode over to it.

After searching through the numerous brightly coloured lollipops, and the small packets of fruit gums, Tōshiro found a note.

_**"My dearest Captain Hitsugaya. I hope you enjoy these treats, my love."**_

There was no name.

_Hm. That doesn't sound like something Captain Ukitake would say._

_That __doesn__'__t__ sound__ like__ anything_ anyone _I__ know __would__ say._

_Not to me, at least._

Tōshiro furrowed his eyebrows.

_I hate it when people give me candy._

_Especially when it's from someone I don't know._

The small, white haired Captain eyed the basket suspiciously.

_What if…they're poisoned?_

_What if someone's trying to kill me?_

Tōshiro's eyes widened, before he realized that if someone was trying to kill him, they would probably just walk up to him and stab him.

"Matsumoto!" Tōshiro called, thinking that maybe his Lieutenant would know about the candy.

There was a loud bang, a crack, a curse, and then Rangiku appeared.

"Yes, Captain?" she asked, an innocent look on her face.

"Do you know who put this candy here?"

"No, Captain! When did it get here?" Rangiku asked, tapping her chin with her index finger.

"I'm not sure." Tōshiro said grouchily.

"Well, are you going to eat the candy?" Rangiku asked.

"No. I hate candy." Tōshiro deadpanned.

Rangiku snorted in amusement, and hastily covered it with a cough.

"Can I have it?" she asked.

"…I suppose so. But don't eat it all at once. You're annoying when you're hyper." Tōshiro said, scowling.

"Too right, Captain!"

And Rangiku ran off, clutching the basket, giggling.

_What's she up to…?_

* * *

><p>The next day, Tōshiro was just exiting his house, getting ready to go to the office.<p>

He was singing an annoyingly catchy song in his head, but was in a relatively good mood.

Until he noticed it.

On his doorstep.

A basket of candy.

_Ah! It's following me!_

Tōshiro scowled, and looked around.

He _thought _he heard giggling behind a bush, but dismissed the idea.

The only, er, _improvement on_ the basket, was that it now had a… _lovely_ lime green bow on it.

_Is this the same one that I gave to Matsumoto? _

Hesitantly, Tōshiro edged over towards it.

**_"_**_**Hey, Captain Hitsugaya! I hope you enjoyed the candy you were given yesterday! Here's more. Eat it; it's yum as!"**_

_This note has a completely different tone…_

_Why am I getting showered with candy?_

Tōshiro frowned, and decided to ignore the candy.

* * *

><p>When the Tenth Squad Captain made it to his office, he was over candy. He really was.<p>

He had found a lollipop taped to the inside of his Captain's haori.

_Who had access to my haori?_

He had thrown the lollipop at a group of Shinigami – and he hoped that he had managed to hit one of them on the head.

Tōshiro was in a bad mood.

The white haired Captain sat down at his desk. He opened his 'brush' drawer, and sighed in frustration as he noticed a small 'cluster' of candy.

…_Matsumoto!_

"Matsumoto!" he called.

No answer.

…_She's probably hung-over somewhere._

Tōshiro sighed, and scooped the candy out of his drawer, threw it on the floor, and continued working.

* * *

><p>"Aw! He didn't throw a tantrum!" Rangiku whined, licking a lollipop.<p>

The group was stationed outside the office – they were looking through the window.

"But his face was priceless when he saw that basket on his doorstep." Ichigo chuckled.

"He looked scared." Renji commented.

"Yeah, but he didn't throw a tantrum!" the Tenth Squad Lieutenant repeated. "All of my money was wasted!"

"All of _our _money." Yumichika corrected.

He, too, was delicately chewing on a lollipop.

"Remind me, whose idea was it to buy eight kilograms of candy?" Shūhei asked.

"Matsumoto's." the group said, all at once.

"I like the number eight!" she said defensively.

"Yeah, but, that's a bit excessive." Ichigo complained, not liking being broke.

"Get over it, Ichigo." Renji taunted.

"What's our next plan?" Ikkaku asked, chomping on a stick of licorice.

"Oh, you'll see." Rangiku said, her eyes twinkling evilly. "You'll see."

**Mission failed.**


	5. Curtains

Author's note: Hey! Sorry for he long time taken to update! It'll get quicker, I swear. (: Well, thanks for your lovely reviews! I agree, 'Writing bunny', they really are suicidal.  
>Erm, I'll use <em>vampire13princess's<em> idea next chapter, followed by _PM Sky Shiro-chan's. _Please keep the ideas coming! I only have fifty odd (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop.

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><p><strong>One<strong>** Hundred**** Ways**** to**** Make ****Captain**** Hitsugaya**** Throw a Temper Tantrum****.**  
>~Chapter 5~<p>

_Number four.  
>Close all of the curtains his office without explanation, and continue to do so.<em>

"This is _bound _to annoy him." Shūhei said.

"You think?" Rangiku asked.

"Well, if I was doing paperwork, I'd be really annoyed if someone kept closing the curtains. Any, anyways, won't closing the curtains make it hot? Doesn't Captain Hitsugaya hate hot temperatures?" Renji commented.

"Yeah." Rangiku nodded enthusiastically.

"How are we gonna watch if the curtains are closed?" Ichigo asked, picking at a random bit of fluff on his Shinigami robes.

"Er,-" Renji began, but was interrupted by Ikkaku.

"Obviously we keep walking into the office with 'reports'." He said.

"That'll work, my chum." Yumichika said, running a thin hand through his hair.

"Don't call me that." Ikkaku said grouchily.

Yumichika ignored him.

* * *

><p>Rangiku had been working in the office for ten minutes (well, not 'working' per se, but moisturising her legs 'subtly' underneath her desk), when she decided it would be time to shut the curtains.<p>

She got up, shut them quickly, and scampered back to her desk.

Tōshiro looked up, the usual scowl on his face. "Why did you shut the curtains, Matsumoto?"

Rangiku ignored him, and continued 'working'.

"Matsumoto?" Tōshiro repeated.

…

…

"MATSUMOTO!" Tōshiro yelled, annoyed at Rangiku's silence.

Rangiku didn't consider Tōshiro yelling at her to be 'throwing a tantrum'. It happened regularly.

"Yes, Captain?" she asked innocently.

"Why are the curtains shut?" he asked, absentmindedly rubbing his temples.

"I don't know, Captain." Rangiku said. "That's so odd."

Tōshiro rolled his eyes, got off his chair, and opened the curtains.

"That's better." He murmured.

* * *

><p>Five minutes later, there was a loud rapping on the door.<p>

"Who's that?" Rangiku asked, chewing on the end of her brush.

"I don't know; I haven't seen them yet, have I?" Tōshiro snapped. "Come in, whoever you are." he called.

Ikkaku strolled in, and made his way over to Rangiku.

"I have some papers for you." He commented, smirking.

Rangiku nodded, and bit her lip in order for her to suppress a giggle.

Tōshiro watched the two without interest.

However, just before Ikkaku left, he strode over, and shut the curtains.

"See you, Matsumoto. Captain Hitsugaya." Ikkaku left without as much as a snicker.

Tōshiro narrowed his eyes in annoyance. "Anything you want to tell me, Matsumoto?" he asked.

"Nope." Rangiku grinned, although he probably couldn't see her face in the darkness.

"Alright… Well, tell your friend to stop closing my curtains."

"_Our _curtains, Captain." Rangiku corrected.

* * *

><p>Rangiku had annoyed her Captain by closing the curtains three times. His patience seemed to be wearing loose.<p>

Ichigo, too, had strolled in, and shut the curtains.

However, the curtains were, at the moment, open.

And now, Rangiku sat at her desk, painting her fingernails a pale pink.

Tōshiro was frowning, and doing paperwork, which wasn't exactly a surprise.

The Vice Captain was just thinking about going out for a break – painting her nails was surprisingly hard work – when Captain Zaraki strolled in.

_Hm. What's he doing in here?_

Rangiku watched closely as the large, daunting man grinned at Tōshiro, before hanging him a pile of paperwork. It was slightly crinkled around the edges (the paperwork, not Kenpachi), and Rangiku thought she could see a patch of smudged ink.

"They mixed up the numbers." He said simply. "You would'a thought that the numbers 'ten' and 'eleven' wouldn'ta gotten muddled up."

"So we thought we'd deliver them to you!" Yachiru said cheerfully, popping up from behind Kenpachi's shoulder.

The large man grinned (which was a pretty terrifying thing to see), and, before he made his way out of the office, shut the curtains.

_Why' he close the curtains?_

_Ikkaku and Yumichika must have told him it'd be fun…_

_I wonder how Captain will react?_

Rangiku giggled.

"We'll have to have a fight some time." Kenpachi said to Tōshiro (who looked positively terrified at the prospect).

And then he left.

"What is it with everyone and curtains?" Tōshiro asked bluntly.

"What do you mean?" Rangiku asked, pretending not to notice the darkness.

"…Are you blind, Matsumoto?" Tōshiro snapped. "People, _such__ as__ yourself_, keep closing my curtains!"

"Are you sure?" Rangiku asked, creasing her eyebrows as if she was worried about her Captain's mental health.

"I am sure!" Tōshiro said, scowling. "I'm going out. When I come back, I expect my curtains to be open. If they're not, there will be a distinct lack of breaks for you."

He strolled out of the office, and went 'the long way' around to the Captain's barracks, in order to avoid a possible fight with the Captain of the Eleventh Squad.

**Mission failed.**


	6. Mohawk

Author's note: Hey! Thanks for all of your reviews (: I appreciate them all! Credit for this chapter's idea goes to **'vampire13princess'**. Thanks a lot!

Also, thanks for your ideas! They're all great! On that note, please continue to help me! (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop

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><p><strong>One<strong>** Hundred**** Ways ****to ****Make ****Captain**** Hitsugaya**** Throw**** a ****Temper**** Tantrum.**  
>~Chapter 6~<p>

_Number five._

_Shave off the sides of his hair, so that he has a Mohawk. _

"Are you freakin' suicidal?" Renji burst out when he saw the next idea on the list.

"What are you talking about, Abarai?" Rangiku seemed confused.

"Shaving off the sides of his hair? He'll kill us all!" Renji wailed melodramatically.

"Well, then, we'll have our result, won't we?" Rangiku said slowly, shaking her head as though Renji was mentally retarded.

"And we'll also be dead." Yumichika pointed out.

"Shush, you." Rangiku said, reaching into her small bag.

It was ten o'clock at night, and the group: Rangiku, Renji, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Shūhei, Kenpachi (he had decided that he wanted to be a part of the 'game'. Ichigo had decided to 'give it a miss this time round'; he was avoiding fighting Kenpachi) and Yachiru (she went where Kenpachi went), was crowded around the entrance to Tōshiro's house.

The only provided light was the torch that Ikkaku was holding up underneath his chin, which wasn't making him look threatening like he had hoped, but making him look like a twit.

Or _more_ of a twit if you think about it.

Rangiku pulled out a small, silver key.

"What's that?" Yachiru asked excitedly, appearing from behind Kenpachi's shoulder.

"His spare house key!" Rangiku enthused.

"How'd ya get it?" Renji asked, elbowing Ikkaku in the stomach for being an idiot.

"It involved cake." Rangiku said.

"You gave him cake in exchange for his spare house key?" Yumichika asked incredulously.

"What? No way. I threw cake in his face as an 'April Fools Day' joke, and stole his keys while he was yelling at me." She explained.

"It's the middle of September." Ikkaku said, raising his eyebrows.

"Technicalities."

Kenpachi started laughing, which was rather frightening.

"Good job."

* * *

><p>The group made it into Tōshiro's house; the only damage being a <em>slight<em> dent in the floorboards which was made when Kenpachi dropped his sword.

"Did you bring the razor?" Renji hissed.

"I've got it." Kenpachi said, holding up some sort of contraption with sharp-looking spikes and curly bits on it.

"…What the _hell_ is that?" Ikkaku asked bluntly, shining the torch light directly on it.

"I got it from Kurotsuchi. He told me that it was silent." Kenpachi shrugged.

"We gotta use it and tell him what happens!" Yachiru said, grinning.

Everyone looked at the device suspiciously.

"Um, yeah. Why don't we use this one?" Rangiku held up a normal-looking razor.

"Yeah." Shūhei agreed.

Everyone followed as Rangiku snuck into her Captain's room.

He was curled up in his bed, fast asleep.

"I can't actually believe that he's asleep this early." Ikkaku commented, shining the light in Tōshiro's face.

"Cut it out, Ikkaku." Yumichika scolded. "You'll wake him. And besides. Not _everyone_ feels it's necessary to stay awake until unearthly hours in the morning."

Ignoring all of their bickering, Rangiku turned the battery-powered razor on. Luckily, it was relatively quiet; only a muted 'buzzing' noise was emitted.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Renji asked, wincing as Rangiku started shaving.

"Yup. He'll hate us!" she whispered happily.

"Well that's great." Renji mumbled to himself.

The group watched as Rangiku shaved off the sides of Tōshiro's white, spiky hair.

"What are you going to do with his hair?" Shūhei asked suddenly.

"Way ahead of you!" Yachiru said, hopping down off Kenpachi's back. She picked up the white fluff, and stuck it in a clear bag.

"What are you doing that for, Vice Captain?" Ikkaku whispered, looking confused.

"Well _obviously_ I'm gonna keep it so that he can glue it back on if he wants." Yachiru whispered back, beaming at Ikkaku.

Even Rangiku turned around incredulously, causing her to shave off more hair than she had planned.

"A-Alright." Ikkaku decided that it might be best just to agree.

"Done." Rangiku announced quietly.

Tōshiro was now the proud owner of a spiky white Mohawk.

"He looks… like … a… wannabe rebel." Yumichika snickered, his hand clamped over his mouth in order to suppress his laugh.

"Or a pelican." Kenpachi said thoughtfully.

"Uh, yeah. I think we should go now." Renji said, his own lips pressed together to keep in his chuckles.

And they did.

* * *

><p>When Tōshiro woke up the next morning, his head felt cold. Automatically, he reached up and ran a hand through what was left of his hair.<p>

He was shocked to realise that the sides of his head were bald.

_What?_

He patted his head again, this time in desperation.

He felt nothing on the sides of his head.

Tōshiro got up off his bed, put on his blue striped slippers, and hurried to his bathroom.

"No!" Tōshiro yelled at the sight that greeted him. "NOO!"

_I look… ridiculous!_

His white 'Mohawk' stuck up in all directions. It all looked terribly out of proportion; his tall Mohawk, and his bald head. In fact, the bald patches reminded him of a certain Third Seat.

_I look like… Madarame!_

…_I look like a rebel wannabe!_

Tōshiro narrowed his eyes.

"How could this have happened?" he wondered out loud, as he scowled at the mirror.

And then it struck him.

Matsumoto.

_Gah. She's been annoying me all week._

_Is this some stupid game she's playing…?_

Tōshiro scowled, and was just about to storm out of his house to punish his Vice Captain, when he realised that she'd probably only laugh at his actions (and his hair).

Or lack of.

_Maybe she wants me to react badly?_

Tōshiro scowled again. As much as he wanted to punish his Lieutenant, he tried to act calmly.

When the small, white haired Captain got dressed, he found a beanie, and pulled it onto his head.

_It'll take ages for my hair to grow back._

* * *

><p>Tōshiro walked into the office, and wasn't surprised to see his Lieutenant sitting at her desk eagerly.<p>

_She wants me to react… she wants me to react… she wants me to react…_

_Reacting will only make her happy… reacting will only make her happy… reacting will only make her happy…_

Although it took a tremendous amount of effort, Tōshiro refrained from releasing his Bankai on her. Instead he scowled at her and said: "What's wrong, Matsumoto? You're in the office… on time? Was your house on fire or something?"

Rangiku was speechless. "…Er, what? Uh, yeah. I mean, no. I just wanted to be on time!" she smiled. "Why are you wearing a hat, Captain?"

_Because you, you IDIOT, shaved off my hair! _

_My precious hair!_

_I look like_…_ I should belong in a freak show.  
><em>

"I was cold."

And with that, Tōshiro sat down, his lips pressed firmly together, his beanie pulled down over his ears.

_She seems determined to fight._

_So it's time that I start ignoring all of her childish tricks. _

_We'll see who comes out on top now._

**Mission failed (only just!).**


	7. Shiro chan

Author's note: Hey! Sorry for the long wait! I've been busy (: Credit for this chapter goes to everyone who suggested it! (: Thanks a bunch!

By the way, Yachiru calls Byakuya 'Byakkun' in one of the omakes (: I didn't make it up.

~Rainbow Fruit Loop

* * *

><p><strong>One<strong>** Hundred ****Ways**** to ****Make**** Captain**** Hitsugaya**** Throw**** a**** Temper**** Tantrum.**  
>~Chapter 7~<p>

_Number Six.  
>Get everyone in Seireitei to call him 'Shiro-chan.'<em>

"Don't most people call him that anyways?" Ichigo asked, scratching the back of his head.

Ichigo had decided to come back into the group; he couldn't cope with the fact that he might miss Tōshiro throwing a tantrum.

Kenpachi was still hanging around, but Ichigo was safe for now; Kenpachi was looking forward to a promised fight with Byakuya.

"Yeah, but not the other Captains." Rangiku said.

"I can't see Captain Kuchiki calling him 'Shiro-chan." Renji commented.

"Tell him you'll do extra paperwork or something." Rangiku said, brushing his problem aside.

"Yeah, that'll be fun." Renji murmured sarcastically.

"Captain Zaraki, can you tell the other Captains about our plan?" Yumichika asked.

"Yeah." Kenpachi agreed.

"I'll tell Byakkun!" Yachiru chirped, giggling.

"Great, Vice Captain," Yumichika said, nodding slowly. "Rangiku, Shūhei and Renji, you guys tell the other Lieutenants, and seated officers. Ikkaku, Ichigo and I will tell the unseated officers."

"Right. Let's get to work." Ichigo said, grinning.

* * *

><p>"Good morning, Shiro-chan." Mayuri Kurotsuchi said, flashing Tōshiro his evil smirk.<p>

Tōshiro was heading to the First Squad Division; he needed to give Captain-Commander Yamamoto his paperwork. However, he had needed to visit Captain Ukitake, so now, on his way back, he was passing the Twelfth Squad Division.

"Er, Good morning, Captain Kurotsuchi." Tōshiro said, frowning.

_What's up with that?_

_He usually calls me 'Captain Hitsugaya'… that is, if he ever talks to me._

But Tōshiro was too scared of the mad scientist to correct him.

But, after shaking his head in confusion, Tōshiro didn't give the 'Shiro-chan' incident much thought.

That was, until he came across a group of Eleventh Squad members.

"Hello, Shiro-chan!" they called, bowing at him.

"That's _Captain __Hitsugaya _to you." Tōshiro snapped angrily. "Show some respect."

_The nerve of those low-ranked Shinigami…_

"Oh. Sorry, Shiro-chan!" And they all hurried off, scared of being trapped in an ice cube.

Tōshiro scowled, and pulled his beanie further down over his head.

He had debated whether or not to get Unohana to fix it (Tōshiro figured she would probably be able to), but had changed his mind when he had walked into the previous Captains' meeting (minus his beanie).

Captain Ukitake and Captain Kyōraku had both pressed their palms to their lips, as though they were trying to keep themselves from laughing. Captain Kenpachi didn't hold back, and was practically rolling on the floor. Captain Unohana had merely smiled. Even Captain Kuchiki had raised his eyebrows in amusement.

Tōshiro hadn't wanted to ask _anyone_ after that.

The small Captain was so deep in thought about his hair, that he almost walked into the Second Squad Captain, Soi Fon.

"Hello, Captain Soi Fon." Tōshiro said politely, not really in the mood to talk.

"Shiro-chan." Soi Fon nodded her head in acknowledgement.

"Excuse me?" Tōshiro asked, pausing as he passed her.

"Did you not hear me? I said 'Shiro-chan." Soi Fon said, frowning. "For such a young kid, I thought that your hearing would be superb."

"I heard what you said," Tōshiro said, scowling. "But I just wondered why you called me that."

"Shiro-chan? It is your name, is it not?" Soi Fon said, tossing one of her white braids over her shoulder.

"I-" Tōshiro started, but Soi Fon had already disappeared.

_Why is nobody showing me respect?_

* * *

><p>After three more groups of Shinigami had called him 'Shiro-chan', Tōshiro was officially annoyed.<p>

He had felt like stabbing a few of them, but had refrained, as Captain-Commander Yamamoto probably wouldn't appreciate it if he found himself with a few less Shinigami.

However, as he walked into the First Division Office, and greeted Captain-Commander Yamamoto, he was not expecting the old, heavily-bearded man to greet him by saying "Nice day, Shiro-chan?"

"Er, Captain-Commander Yamamoto." Tōshiro began.

Yamamoto opened his eyes. "Yes?"

"…Never mind." Tōshiro said, scowling.

"Alright."

As Tōshiro left the room, he missed the brief twinkle of amusement in the old man's eyes.

* * *

><p>"So, Shiro-chan. How was your day?" Rangiku asked, as she stretched out in her chair.<p>

"It was-…wait. What did you just say?" Tōshiro asked darkly.

"I asked how your day was." Rangiku said, yawning.

"What did you call me?"

"Shiro-chan." Rangiku said, biting down on her bottom lip, her eyes gleaming mischievously.

_Ah. It was her who started this nonsense._

_She seems to be continuing with her stupid 'game'._

"And why did you call me that?" Tōshiro asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Because, er, someone as cute as you deserves a cute nickname!" Rangiku said, smiling.

"Whatever." Tōshiro mumbled, closing his eyes. "You will cease with the infuriating lack of respect."

"Whatever you say, Shiro-chan."

Tōshiro snapped his pen.

**Mission failed.**


	8. Bankai

Author's note: Heya! Super sorry for the long wait! I was busy as (: Updates will become more frequent. Famous last words...  
>Also, I would love to thank all of you wonderful, brilliant, epic people who review. You are my world (: I only write for you, ya know.<br>But, without further ado, here is idea number seven. Enjoy (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop

* * *

><p><strong>One <strong>**Hundred**** Ways ****to ****Make ****Captain ****Hitsugaya**** Throw**** a ****Temper ****Tantrum.**  
>~Chapter 8~<p>

_Number Seven.  
>Melt his Bankai.<em>

"So, I'll get him to fight me, yeah?" Kenpachi asked, the wild grin on his face expanding.

He really was a maniac.

"Yeah. But don't hurt him!" Rangiku said protectively.

"…I won't." Kenpachi said, after a moment's hesitation.

"So, I want you, Abarai and Ichigo, to melt it for me." Rangiku instructed, looking at the slightly worried faces of her friends.

"And how will we do that?" Ichigo asked, slapping Renji on the back for no apparent reason.

"With these." Shūhei passed the two Shinigami a flamethrower each.

"…Where the _hell_ did you get these?" Ichigo asked, a delighted grin on his face.

The group was silent.

They had stolen them from the _only_ place in Soul Society which would have a flamethrower, which was, of course, Mayuri's laboratory.

They just had to hope that he didn't notice.

Who knew what their punishment might be?

"That doesn't matter." Rangiku said, pursing her lips.

"Right! Let's go!" Renji enthused.

* * *

><p>Tōshiro gulped.<p>

"Ya scared, Shiro-chan?" Kenpachi taunted, a wide grin on his face.

"Call me Captain Hitsugaya." Tōshiro muttered, a frown on _his_ face.

"Let's go!"

And with that, the eye patch accessorized Captain flew at the small, white haired Captain, his jagged sword at the ready.

_Oh Christ. What have I gotten myself into?_

Tōshiro ducked, and shunpo-ed around to Kenpachi's back.

Kenpachi grinned, turned around, and swiped madly at his 'enemy'.

Tōshiro sprung upwards, and swung his sword down, hoping that the chain at the end of his Zanpakutō would tie itself around Kenpachi's own.

It didn't.

Easily, Kenpachi dodged. He made to attack Tōshiro again, who defended himself and the two swords hit each other; a loud 'clang' emitting.

"C'mon! I want to see your Bankai!" Kenpachi grinned.

Tōshiro was silent.

"I'll take off my eye patch…" Kenpachi warned.

_Argh!_

"Alright, alright." Tōshiro said hastily, not wanting to observe the horror that was Kenpachi _without_ his eye patch. "Bankai! Daiguren Hyourinmaru!"

Kenpachi chuckled as the small Captain grew ice wings, and flew at him.

"Yeah! That's better!"

* * *

><p>Five minutes into the fight, Renji and Ichigo decided to start.<p>

They waited until Tōshiro was up in the air, and then leapt onto the wall.

"Let's do this!" Renji turned his flamethrower on.

Both stared at the flame, a smile on their faces.

"Are we gonna do it secretly?" Ichigo asked.

"Yeah. It'll be more fun that way."

The two red heads waited until the large ice dragon was above their hiding place on the wall, before pointing their flamethrowers up at it.

Luckily Kenpachi noticed them, and started talking to the small Captain, distracting him enough to make him stop waving his Bankai around.

"Let's turn them up!" Ichigo hissed, hitting the 'ultra fire' button on the machine.

Huge flames whooshed out of the end of the machine, the pressure so high that it almost caused Ichigo to fall off his place on the wall, which would have been tragic, as the sound of Ichigo yelling out in pain would have alerted Tōshiro.

Renji and Ichigo held the flamethrowers up to the ice dragon, and watched in pleasure as it started to drip; its shape losing form.

"I hope he doesn't notice." Renji whispered, avoiding being hit by a large drop of water, which had fallen from the dragon's head.

Pretty soon, the dragon was turning into water, and forming a large puddle on the concrete.

"This is freakin' hilarious, Ichigo." Renji whispered, chuckling quietly.

Ichigo nodded, and then strained his ears in order to hear snippets of the conversation which Tōshiro was _obviously_ interested in.

"See, what I'm tryin' to say, Shiro-chan,"… "…I really need"… "…beat Ichigo." … "…that he seems to be good friends" … "…Lieutenant." … "…arrange a battle…"

Tōshiro gave no reply, as he suddenly heard the insane laughing of Renji behind him. The red head hadn't been able to hold it in any longer.

Tōshiro whirled around, and saw the puddle that was his Bankai.

"My Bankai! What have you _idiots_ done with it? Where has it gone?" Tōshiro yelled, sounding as though he was on the verge of hysteria.

"We didn't do anything, Shiro-chan. We were merely watching." Ichigo said, wiping a tear from his eye, which had been caused by his laughter.

"When a Shinigami's Bankai disappears, it means that the wielder is near death." Kenpachi said, with a straight face. "It seems that you are going to die of fear."

Tōshiro scowled, and was too busy glaring at Renji, that he didn't notice Ichigo creeping up behind him, and turning on his flamethrower.

However, he _did_ notice when the melted ice of his wings started to run down his small back.

"My ice wings! You will pay for this, Kurosaki!" Tōshiro screeched, whirling around.

And then he stopped. He _actually_ stopped. The Captain took a visible breath in, and then closed his eyes.

"I am going to go now. _None_ of you are to follow me. Do you understand, Abarai, Kurosaki?" he snarled.

Both men had enough sense to nod.

* * *

><p>Tōshiro strode into his office, and noticed a very curious Rangiku.<p>

_This was all her idea…_

"How are you, Shiro-chan?" she asked in a sing-song voice.

"Captain Hitsugaya. _Captain__ Hitsugaya.__ Captain.__ Hitsugaya._ Get it into your thick skull already." The white haired Captain said grouchily, moving to sit down on the chair behind his desk.

"…Sorry." She couldn't help but to smile at her Captain's child-like behavior.

Really, he was too cute.

"And I'm fine. You are dismissed for today, Matsumoto."

Rangiku was surprised. "I'm dismissed for today?" she repeated.

"Yes. You can have the rest of the afternoon off."

"Thanks…?" Rangiku grinned, gathered up her nail polish, and stepped out of the door.

As she slammed the office door shut, the vibrations caused the large amount of ice (strategically placed by an annoyed four foot-something Captain) to fall on her.

Rangiku gasped, in shock of the ice hitting her.

She was completely and utterly soaked.

She glanced back through the glass of the office door, to where her _evil_ Captain had a self-satisfied smirk on his child-like face.

She opened the door, ready to scream at him.

"I changed my mind, Matsumoto. I _would_ like you to complete this paperwork." Tōshiro said, gesturing to the large pile of paper. "You may need a towel."

Rangiku scowled.

_Two can play at this game._

**Mission failed.**


	9. Shikai & Bankai

Author's note: Here's the next chapter! (: Thanks for being patient... and sorry for not updating sooner! (: Thanks to all of your lovely reviews! Oh, and thanks to _tii-chan17, _who reminded me to do this! (: Huge thanks, and Internet cookies!

Please review!

~Rainbow Fruit Loop

* * *

><p><strong>One<strong>** Hundred**** Ways ****to**** Make**** Captain**** Hitsugaya ****Throw ****a**** Temper ****Tantrum.**  
>~Chapter 9~<p>

_Number Eight.  
>Get all of the Captains and Vice Captains to follow him around with their BankaisShikais._

"We'll need to convince everyone to do it, but it shouldn't be too hard." Rangiku announced.

"What about Captain Kuchiki? He won't do it." Renji said, frowning.

"Tell him you'll do extra work or something." Rangiku said.

"I'm sure you said that last time." Renji mumbled incoherently.

"And, of course, Yumichika and I can join in, right?" Ikkaku enquired.

"Of course! We want to freak him out as much as possible!"

* * *

><p>"Hey, Hinamori-kun?" Renji asked, sidling up to the small, dark haired girl.<p>

She turned around. "Hello, Renji-kun!" she chirped happily.

"I was wondering if you wanted to help with something…" Renji began.

"Like what?" Momo asked, looking slightly worried.

After Renji had whispered his plan in her ear, Momo's eyes widened.

"What? Wouldn't he get angry at me, Renji-kun?" she asked, biting her lip.

"No! Of course not, Hinamori. It'll be fun… and Kira's helping!" Renji said, grinning.

"Well, only if he won't get angry… And I guess it'll be fun!"

* * *

><p>"Hello, Captain Kyōraku …!" Rangiku chirped, bowing at the pink-kimono clad Captain.<p>

"Ah, mornin', Matsumoto-chan." Shunsui replied, giving her his lazy smile. "How are you doing?"

"Great! But I need your help…" Rangiku said, twirling a strand of her strawberry-blonde hair around her finger.

"But of course." Shunsui replied, yawning. "The ladies always need my help."

Just then, Captain Ukitake walked in. "Good morning, Matsumoto-san." He greeted.

He walked over to Shunui, and hit him over the head with the report he was carrying. "Don't say things like that." he hissed.

"Good morning!" Rangiku replied, glad that she would now (hopefully) be able to convince two Captains.

"She needs my help." Shunsui said, nodding his head at Rangiku.

"Actually, I need _both_ of your help."

* * *

><p>Tōshiro awoke with a start.<p>

He opened his eyes, and almost squealed like a little girl.

Because there, crowded in his room, were the Captains and Lieutenants of the Gotei Thirteen, standing around his bed, with their Zanpakutōs released.

He sat up wearily, pushed himself into the back of his bed, and pulled his duvet up around his chin.

No one spoke.

_Why are they here…?_

_Is this just a dream – no, nightmare?_

Tōshiro cleared his throat, blinked, and glanced around. Everything was deathly silent.

The person closest to him was, of course, Kenpachi. He had a massive grin on his face, and his sword was pointed towards the small, white haired Captain.

_This is awkward._

Tōshiro could see Hinamori in the corner of the room, looking as timid as always, with her Shikai released. He could see Kira next to her, looking as depressed as always. He, too, had his Shikai released.

"Um, what are all of you doing here…?" Tōshiro asked hesitantly.

No one answered.

_Right._

Tōshiro craned his neck, and could see Rangiku standing near the back of the room, a small ash cloud surrounding her.

"Matsumoto! Get everyone out of here." Tōshiro instructed, slightly scared by the grinning face of Kenpachi only inches away from his own.

She ignored him.

"Hinamori?

No comment.

"Abarai…?"

Not a word.

_Of course not…_

Slowly, his eyes locked on the eyes of _everyone,_Tōshiro got off his bed. He moved towards his bathroom, and, therefore, towards Soi Fon and her _massive_ Bankai. Surprisingly, everyone shuffled out of the way. However, they did not seal their swords.

Tōshiro hurried into the bathroom, and slammed the door shut, thankful that no one had followed him.

_Am I… in some sort of trouble?_

_No. Then they would have said something…or killed me._

_This is just Matsumoto being an idiot…_

The small Captain washed his face, washed his teeth, put on his Haori, and frowned at his (still visible) Mohawk.

After procrastinating in the bathroom (by cleaning the mirror, and examining his eyebrows), Tōshiro hesitantly opened the bathroom door.

He was greeted by the horrible sight of Mayuri's Bankai.

_That thing creeps me out…_

Tōshiro slammed the door shut, and climbed out of the window, ignoring how undignified he looked.

* * *

><p><em>I hope they're all still waiting for me to exit the bathroom…<em>

Tōshiro was casually strolling along the path on the way to his office, praying that the group of Shinigami would have gotten bored and not followed him.

Because it, quite frankly, scared the hell out of him.

Seeing Captain-class Shinigami pointing their deadly weapons at him was unnerving. Seeing the great Captain-Commander Yamamoto standing beside his bed, with fire flickering around him, was scary. Seeing the Twenty Eighth leader of the Kuchiki clan standing in his doorway with one thousand _million_ small blades swirling around him was terrifying. Seeing Mayuri's giant, disgusting Bankai breathing toxic gas all over his room was petrifying. And seeing _everyone _in _his _room was Goddamed annoying.

Tōshiro sighed, and entered the office.

Only to be met by Vice Captain Iba's sword.

_They're following me._

Awkwardly, Tōshiro made his way over to his desk. Everyone's eyes followed him.

He could hear Matsumoto giggling in the corner.

"Matsumoto, start working." Tōshiro said, trying not to acknowledge any of the Captains or Lieutenants. "And by work I mean signing paperwork; _not_ painting your nails."

As predicted, she ignored.

Tōshiro swallowed, and attempted to sign some work. However, he was too distracted by the shuffling of the Shinigami and Bankais.

He glanced upwards, and looked into the eyes of the First Squad Lieutenant.

"Look, can I help you?" Tōshiro asked everyone, slightly irritated.

No comment.

_Man, this is unnerving. They could kill me at any second, if they wanted…_

Tōshiro glared at Hinamori, who was standing with Tobiume pointed at him.

She grinned back shyly.

_Geez. How can I get them all out of here? I can't work with them all here! Its hard to breathe!_

Tōshiro's mind was working super hard, trying to figure out how to get rid of all the Captains and their Lieutenants.

He couldn't come up with anything.

_Damn you, Matsumoto._

* * *

><p>Tōshiro lay in his bed, uncomfortably pressed up against both Shunsui and the Fourth Squad Vice Captain Isane, who were sitting in his bed, their Shikais pointed at him.<p>

And, yes. They were _in_ his bed.

The worst thing about the whole day was that _no__ one __spoke._ Everyone, including Byakuya, and Yamamoto (who were the least likely to participate in such events) had simply stared at him, either pointing their swords at him, or pushing their Bankais as close to him as they could without injuring him.

Everything had been so awkward.

Correction. Everything _was _so awkward.

_I'll get you back, Matsumoto._

…_I just don't know how._


	10. Gobbledegook

Author's note: Hey guys! I updated sooner than I thought I would. Hahaha. Credit for this chapter goes to _tii-chan17. _Thanks so much! (: Well, please keep the reviews coming! You guys inspire me!

Oh, and the **bold **lines below the gobbledegook, are, obviously, what is being said. You know, I Google searched how to speak gibberish/gobbledegook, and (apparently) you have to add either 'idiga' or 'othag' in front of a vowel. So I used both (not both in front of _one _vowel, but you know what I mean) :P But that is why the words seem so loooooong. Before you look at the 'answer' - try to guess what is being said! (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop

* * *

><p><strong>One <strong>**Hundred**** Ways ****to ****Make**** Captain ****Hitsugaya**** Throw**** a ****Temper**** Tantrum.**  
>~Chapter 10~<p>

_Number Nine._

_Speak in Gobbledegook/Gibberish all day._

"Gobbledegook?" Shūhei asked.

"Yeah! You know, speaking whilst making no sense at all!" Rangiku enthused.

She passed the members of the group a small badge each.

"What's this?" Ichigo asked, running a hand through his spiky orange hair.

"Badges, of course!" Rangiku said, rolling her light blue eyes.

"Right."

Everyone in the group took a closer look at theirs.

Ichigo's read "Assistant Annoyer", and was a bright orange. Renji's, Shūhei's, Kenpachi's, and Yachiru's (she was considered a member of the 'squad') read the same, but were red, black, yellow and baby pink respectively. Yumichika's read: "_Beautiful_ Assistant Annoyer", whilst Ikkaku's read "_Bald_ Assistant Annoyer".

"And, before we start, I would like to introduce a new member into the group." Rangiku said solemnly, whilst placing her own hot pink "Leading Annoyer" badge on her shirt.

Momo smiled shyly. "Hello."

"I decided to invite Lieutenant Hinamori! She's known my Captain for the longest, so she'll know what really irritates him!" Rangiku explained.

"Are you a Lieutenant?" Ichigo questioned, peering at a timid Momo.

"Yes."

"Are you a good fighter?"

"I'm quite good at Kido." Momo replied modestly.

"Oh."

"But anyways! We're getting distracted! We have to speak in Gobbledegook all day!" Rangiku said.

"Okay!" the group agreed, really having no idea what they were doing.

* * *

><p>"Gothagoidigaod midigaornothaging, Shothagiridigao-chothagan!" Ikkaku called, walking past the grouchy Captain.<p>

"_**Good morning, Shiro-chan."**_

"Pardon?" Tōshiro asked incredulously.

_What did he just say?_

_I must not have heard him correctly._

"Othagi sidigaaothagid 'Gothagoidigaod midigaornothaging'!" Ikkaku said, raising his eyebrows at the confused Captain.

"_**I said 'Good morning'."**_

"Why are you speaking like you are mentally retarded?" Tōshiro questioned, scowling.

"Othagi'm nidigaot. Othagit's idigaa lidigaangothaguidigaagothage!" Ikkaku exclaimed.

"_**I'm not. It's a language."**_

Tōshiro heaved a sigh, and stalked off from the obviously brain-dead, tongue tied third seat.

"Sothageidigae yothagoidigau lothagatidigaer!"

"_**See you later!"**_

* * *

><p>"Hidigaellothago, Shothagiridigao-chothagan."<p>

"_**Hello, Shiro-chan."**_

Tōshiro nodded his head at the large Captain, wondering if it was possible that the entire Eleventh Squad had been injected with a muscle relaxant, therefore causing them all to speak weirdly.

"Othagenjothagoyidigaed idigaoothagur fothagight, hidigauh?"

"_**Enjoyed our fight, huh?"**_

Tōshiro nodded slowly, wondering what he was agreeing too.

"Wothagannidigaa fothagight othagagidigaaothagin?"

"_**Wanna fight again?"**_

Again, Tōshiro nodded, his patience wearing thin.

"Gridigaeothagat! Othagi'll sothageothage yidigaoothagu thothagen! Idigaand othagi widigaon't gidigao othageidigaasy othagon yidigaoothagu!"

"_**Great! I'll see you then! And I won't go easy on you!"**_

Tōshiro watched as the jingle-y Captain walked off, Yachiru clinging on his back.

"Byothage, byothage, Whidigaitothagey-chidigaan!" she called.

"_**Bye, bye, Whitey-chan!"**_

Tōshiro rolled his ice blue eyes.

_Why are they speaking like that?_

…_It's annoying me._

* * *

><p>It was only when Tōshiro had passed his childhood friend Hinamori, who was also speaking weirdly, that he realized what was happening.<p>

They were speaking in Gobbledegook.

It was a 'language' that Tōshiro had known how to speak for a while.

_It's a good thing I know how to speak it…_

Tōshiro strode into his office, and wasn't surprised to see his Lieutenant at her desk.

Although, Tōshiro had to admit that it was quite unnerving, seeing his Vice Captain _at__ her __desk._ But Tōshiro knew that it was only because of this childish game she seemed to be playing.

"Hidigaey Cothagaptidigaaothagin!" Rangiku said cheerily, waving a hand at him.

"_**Hey Captain!" **_

What she wasn't expecting, however, was her Captain to reply with a, "Nothagice tidigao sothageothage yothagoidigau othagat yidigaoidigaur dothagesk, Midigaatsothagumidigaotothago."

_**Nice to see you at your desk, Matsumoto."**_

She paused, her hair brush hovering over the top of her gold hair.

"Pardon, Captain?" she asked, forgetting to speak in gibberish.

"Dothagid yidigaoothagu nidigaot hidigaeothagar mothage?" Tōshiro questioned, sounding bored.

"_**Did you not hear me?"**_

Rangiku frowned, obviously confused.

Tōshiro smirked secretly.

_So she knows how to speak it, she just doesn't know what I'm saying._

"Gothaget tidigao widigaork, plothageidigaasothage."

"_**Get to work, please."**_

Tōshiro fixed Rangiku with an icy stare, and sat down at his desk, enjoying watching her squirm.

"Sorry, Captain. I have no idea what you said!" Rangiku grinned, obviously recovering.

_Now. The question is: Do I continue to speak in Gobbledegook?_

Just then, an idea struck the small, Mohawk-styled Captain.

"I think, Matsumoto, you should translate this report of mine into Gibberish. I've been trying to teach the language to Captain Komamura. It would help me greatly." He lied.

Rangiku, who looked positively startled, opened her mouth.

"No excuses. No 'buts'. No 'I'm busy'. Get to work. I expect it done by the time I leave." Tōshiro said, passing her a five page document.

"Yothageidigaah, Cothagaptidigaaothagin." Rangiku muttered, rolling her eyes, and opening the report.

"_**Yeah, Captain."**_

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

><p>"And now he's making me translate the <em>entire <em>_thing_ into Gibberish!" Rangiku complained to Yumichika.

They were both having a lunch break.

"So, he didn't throw a tantrum?" Yumichika asked.

"No! He didn't!"

"Hm. Well, maybe we went the wrong way about this?" Yumichika suggested, flicking his hair out of his eyes.

"He knows how to speak it! It definitely won't annoy him." Rangiku decided.

"Maybe if you write all of the reports you do in Gobbledegook? It'll annoy him if he has to decipher everything."

"Yeah!"

* * *

><p>Rangiku presented her 'Shiro-chan' with a stack of papers.<p>

"Hothageridigae's thidigae othagonidigae yidigaoothagu wothagantidigaed mothage tidigao trothaganslidigaatothage fidigaor Cothagaptidigaaothagin Komamura," Rangiku pointed to a report, "Idigaand hothageridigae othagaridigae my rothagepidigaorts fidigaor tothagodidigaay."

"_**Here's the one you wanted me to translate for Captain Komamura, and here are my reports for today."**_

Tōshiro raised his eyebrows.

_What __a__ long__ sentence._

He looked at the reports she'd given him.

They were all in Gibberish.

_I can't hand them in like this!_

_The Captain-Commander would disapprove…_

"Thanks, Matsumoto. However, are you aware that the Captain-Commander probably does not understand Gobbledegook? I'm afraid you're going to have to re-do them."

"I'm sorry. But you can't make me re-do them, sir. It's all your fault, you know." Rangiku pointed out, no longer speaking in Gibberish. "You see, you made me do this-" she pointed to Captain Komamura's report "-in Gibberish, so you confused me. You'll have to do them yourself!"

And with that, she skipped off, her golden hair bouncing.

…_Damn you, Matsumoto._

Tōshiro shook his head and sat down, wondering how his Lieutenant always got the best of him.

However, he made sure that the temperature outside was _very _cold.

**Mission failed.**


	11. Haori

Author's note: Hello, fellow Bleach fans! Thanks for your reviews! But, please. I'm begging you; if you read this, please review. I even appreciate one-word reviews! Credit for the idea goes to "Kuro-Hollow-Neko", who I don't think is still reading this, but whatever (: Oh, and the song 'Short People' belongs to Randy Newman. Is it sad that I actually Google searched - "Songs about short people"? But whatever. I got the song below (:

Revieeeeew, pleeeease! *Speaks like Keigo*

* * *

><p><strong>One<strong>** Hundred**** Ways**** to ****Make**** Captain ****Hitsugaya**** Throw**** a ****Temper ****Tantrum.**  
>~Chapter 11~<p>

_Number Ten.  
>Dye his Haori pink, draw on it, and dye his Shinigami robes white.<em>

"How are we going to get his Shinigami robes…?" Momo asked cautiously. "He's always wearing them."

"I have my ways!" Rangiku exclaimed cheerily.

"Alright…" Momo smiled worriedly, before flinching as Kenpachi hit her on the back.

"Don't worry so much. It'll shorten your life. Then you won't be able to enjoy a good old fight!" he enthused.

As predicted, Yachiru popped up. "Yeah! Ken-chan's right! We're all professionals at this!"

Which, of course, they weren't.

After finally convincing Momo (who seemed to be the only one thinking of the possible consequences) that getting Tōshiro's clothes wouldn't be hard, nor embarrassing, Rangiku handed out colourful markers.

"Once I manage to get his Haori, we'll dye it," she held up a small container of dye. Everyone knew that she must have stolen it from Captain Kurotsuchi's lab. "and then we draw on it. Then I'll dye his Shinigami robes white!" she held up another small container.

"This'll be a laugh!" Shunsui (the newest edition of the group) said smiling lazily, his own flowery 'Assistant Annoyer' badge gleaming in the sunshine.

* * *

><p>Sneakily, Rangiku crept around her Captain's house. It was rather late at night – the only time that Rangiku could be sure that he wouldn't be wearing his Shinigami robes and Haori.<p>

She knew this because of the recent visits to his house late at night.

_Haha! This'll annoy him for sure! _

She opened the front door with the key she had 'acquired', and slipped into his house.

_Hm. Well, judging by the fact that when we were all standing in his house with our swords released-_

Rangiku laughed silently.

_-he got changed in the bathroom; it must mean that he keeps his clothes in his bathroom._

_That's weird._

After locating Tōshiro's en suite bathroom (which wasn't exactly hard; she knew her way around his house. Not that she'd tell him that…), Rangiku found his Captains uniform neatly folded up.

_Hm._

* * *

><p>After managing to find the clothes, Rangiku took them to 'The Headquarters' (which was, in fact, the Eighth Squad Office; Shunsui had told them to 'make themselves at home'. He had insisted on joining the group – despite Captain Ukitake's 'words'.)<p>

"Ba-ack!" Rangiku sung, slipping through the door, startling Shunsui.

Rangiku held up the Haori, and pulled out the dye.

"Let's get to work." Renji said seriously.

...

After Momo had dried the now hot-pink Haori by holding her fiery Zanpakutō over it, each member pulled out their coloured indelible markers.

"What exactly are we doodling, hm?" Shunsui asked, chewing on the top of his lime-green marker.

"Anything!" Rangiku replied.

Shūhei took the lid off his red one, and started doodling a bird sitting on the branch of the tree Renji was drawing. Kenpachi busied himself by drawing a collection of bloody swords. Ichigo – who claimed to be artistically challenged – was doodling cheese. Rangiku was drawing an oh-so-life-like self portrait. Yumichika was (as expected) drawing a cluster of _beautiful_ flowers. Ikkaku was sketching a basketball – which greatly resembled his head - next to Momo's lock-and-key. Shunsui was (also, as expected) drawing a bottle of sake. And, finally, Yachiru was drawing Tōshiro a bunny rabbit.

Her drawing ability greatly resembled Rukia's.

After half an hour of what had turned into a hilarious doodle fight, everyone put down their pens.

"Whew." Rangiku said, grinning at their work.

Because she was (as she put it) 'a genius', she had managed to find some gold glitter-paint. They had traced around the sides of the Haori with said glitter.

The group took a step back, and grinned at their work. Toshiro's Haori was bright pink, covered in doodles – ranging from forks, to animals, to names – and was sparkly as a result of the gold glitter.

"You know," Renji thought out loud "we really are suicidal."

"Everything's more fun that way, Renji-kun." Shunsui assured him.

"Now, the only thing left to do is… dye his Shinigami robes white." Yumichika read. "White is such a _beautiful_ colour."

* * *

><p>Tōshiro awoke with a start, expecting to see a group of Captains surrounding his bedside. Luckily for him, his room was empty.<p>

The small Captain made his way to his en suite bathroom, and gasped when he saw… _it._

His Haori was bright pink. And was covered in doodles. And was _glittery._

_MATSUMOTO…!_

_She's really gone too far now…_

Tōshiro scowled, and felt the temperature in the room drop – the way it did whenever he was especially frustrated.

_What do I do? I can't wear this…_

Tōshiro sighed, knowing that he didn't really have a choice. He slipped the atrocious thing onto his annoyingly white Shinigami robes, and stalked off, hoping to come across a few suicidal Shinigami who would allow him to freeze them.

...

Tōshiro was tired of the snickering by the time he reached his office. He was just about ready to freeze the _entire _Seireitei.

Unfortunately, he had passed Byakuya, who had asked Tōshiro if he needed help.

_Stuck up… jerk._

So, of course, the white-haired Captain's mood wasn't improved when he saw his annoying Lieutenant at her desk, painting her nails _the __same __colour __as __his __Haori._

As soon as she looked up, she burst out laughing.

"Oh, Captain… You look… like….a… teenage girl!" Rangiku was barely able to produce a coherent sentence. "You should… you should take… a photo!"

"Thanks for this, Matsumoto." Tōshiro said coolly, ignoring her suggestion. "As… 'pretty' as it is, I would like you to clean it for me." He shrugged off his Haori, and threw it at her, causing her to spill her nail polish.

"Captain, it won't come off. It's _indelible_ pen. And dye doesn't come out." She informed him, wondering if he was going to throw a tantrum.

"Then you're going to be in that seat for a long time." Tōshiro observed, throwing her a cloth and a bucket.

"Why are you making _me_ do this?" she wined. "It wasn't me!"

Tōshiro smirked, despite his desire to stab her. "Well, you, _as __my__ Vice__ Captain_, should be thrilled to do this for me."

Rangiku made to stand up.

Tōshiro grabbed his Zanpakutō, and, in a flash, Rangiku was frozen to her chair.

"Captain!" she screeched, clearly unimpressed.

"I told you, didn't I? You're going to clean this for me."

"Abarai helped!" she whined, before clamping her mouth shut.

"Well, I'll go and get him shall I?"

* * *

><p>Fifteen minutes later, every single one of the group (save for Kenpachi and Yachiru – Tōshiro was terrified of the both of them) were frozen to their chairs, scrubbing Tōshiro's Haori and Shinigami robes.<p>

"This isn't going to come out." Ichigo said, scowling.

"Maybe we should have used chalk?" Shūhei pondered.

"We're never gonna get this all off." Renji complained. "How did he know that _we_helped?"

"He made me tell him!" Rangiku said defensively.

"How?" Ikkaku asked, trying (unsuccessfully) to get rid of the pink on one of the sleeves.

"He shoved ice down my back until I told him! And I couldn't even move, 'cause he'd frozen me to my chair!" Rangiku sounded near to tears.

"It could be worse." Shunsui observed.

He, however, wasn't doing anything.

Just then, Tōshiro stalked into the office, and smirked at the group of clothes-scrubbers.

"It's a really nice day outside. Oh, and Captain Ukitake is giving out ice creams, because it's so hot." He informed the group, licking his own ice cream.

The entire group groaned.

"Shiro-chan… This is really bad for my nails." Yumichika said, frowning as he looked down at his grubby nails.

"And walking around in… _that_ was really bad for my reputation." Tōshiro replied, sitting on his desk.

"If we're gonna be stuck here all day, we may as well annoy him." Rangiku whispered, before she started singing loudly:

**"Well, I don't want no short people…**

**Don't want no short people…**

**Don't want no short people...**

**'Round here"**

Tōshiro sighed, threw his ice cream at his Vice Captain, before walking outside hoping to stab something.

**Mission failed.**


	12. Spray Paint

Author's note: I'm sorry for the long wait! (: I've been slack, I know. I was writing a one shot... (: Um, credit for this chapter goes to "_KarinXToshiro_". Thanks! (: I appreciate it lots! And, to all of you who have given me ideas, I _will _use them. (: I'm just using some of my own in between.  
>Thanks to all you reviewers! I love you guys! Haha.<p>

Also, I know you guys want to see Toshiro throw a temper tantrum, but it has to wait! I need to get like, one hundred chapters in! I'll make him close a few times though! Patience is a virtue (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop!

* * *

><p><strong>One<strong>** Hundred Ways**** to**** Make**** Captain**** Hitsugaya ****Throw a**** Temper Tantrum****.**  
>~Chapter 12~<p>

_Number Eleven.  
>Spray paint words like 'Midget' and 'Tiny' on his walls.<em>

Ichigo burst out laughing. "This'll be great!" he enthused.

"I have frostbite on my ass." Renji complained. "We have to make sure that we're far away from him when he finds out."

"Yes. Frostbite isn't very beautiful." Yumichika said, tossing his hair.

"Do we have spray paint?" Ikkaku asked.

"Of course! I'm a _very_ organized person." Rangiku told everyone.

The entire group burst out laughing.

"Hey! That's _mean._" Rangiku said. "But whatever. It's from Captain Kurotsuchi's lab!"

"Maybe we should invite him into the group," Renji pondered. "'Cause then we wouldn't have to steal stuff from him."

The group all nodded.

"Anyways! We'll invite him after this idea!"

* * *

><p>Using Rangiku's spare key, the group managed to sneak into Tōshiro's house (again).<p>

After sneaking into his bedroom, and drugging Tōshiro (they didn't want to risk waking him up), everyone was handed a can of spray.

"Are we going to spray over his photo frames?" Shūhei asked.

"No! We should take them all off the wall." Yachiru whispered. "You never know; they could be valuable. Then he'd kill us all!" She sounded strangely excited about that idea.

"Okay." Everyone was slightly surprised at Yachiru's logical thinking.

"Instead, we should hide them under his sofa!" Yachiru said.

…And there went her logical thinking.

"I've got an idea." Kenpachi said, grinning. "Let's write the words up high so he can't reach 'em."

"Fabulous!" Rangiku gushed, hopping over to stand on Ichigo's shoulders.

He almost fell over.

Momo, who looked slightly scared, stood on a stool, and started spraying the word 'Midget'.

Shunsui yawned, and accidentally sprayed a part of the ceiling dark purple as he tried to figure out how to work the can.

…

Ichigo had just finished spraying the words 'Short ass' on the wall, when he was sprayed in the face by Renji's red can.

He retaliated by putting a streak of sky blue on Renji's hair.

After covering Tōshiro's walls with all sorts of words mocking his height, the group had started a full out spray fight.

So, not only would his walls be covered, but every single piece of furniture was splattered with spray paint.

"Oh dear. I think we went a bit over the top." Yumichika commented, looking disdainfully at a streak of green in his hair.

"What gives you that impression?" Ikkaku asked. He was currently walking around with a black handprint (courtesy of Yachiru) on the back of his head.

* * *

><p>As soon as Tōshiro woke up, he noticed something different. His light cream walls had streaks of colour on them.<p>

_What is it now…?_

Getting out of bed and taking a step closer towards the colour, Tōshiro noticed what it was.

Words.

_Midget… Tiny… Child…_

Tōshiro scowled, his left eye twitching slightly.

_I've lost count of how many times she's snuck into my house…_

He looked around the room, and saw that _every_ single piece of furniture had a dusting of colour on it.

It would almost have been pretty, if it wasn't for the fact that it was absolutely hideous.

Rolling his eyes, Tōshiro strode into his bathroom, grabbed a sponge, and filled a bucket up with water.

Walking back into his bedroom, Tōshiro briefly wondered why he never woke up when they were in his house.

_I need to make my house secure._

Tōshiro reached up to the word 'Midget' (which was spray-painted an incredibly bright canary yellow), and was extremely put out when he realised that he couldn't actually reach it.

_They've written the words up high to tease me…_

Tōshiro scowled, and felt the temperature in the room drop (which didn't particularly bother him).

He found a chair, stood on it, and realised that he couldn't wash the words off his walls.

_The words are semi-permanent!_

_Matsumoto…!_

The white-haired Captain frowned, and – after grabbing his _new_ Haori (which had been paid for by his Vice Captain and her friends) – he slammed his bedroom door shut, and wondered how he could pay her back.

* * *

><p>Rangiku awoke, and stretched – her eyes still closed.<p>

It was the day after she and the rest of the group had drawn on her Captain's walls.

He hadn't said anything, which was rather depressing, but he had made the room very chilly.

_I wonder what we should do next…_

Rangiku sat up, and rubbed her eyes.

And then she saw it.

_What?_

All of the pictures frames which had hung on one of her walls were stacked neatly on her glass coffee table.

So the wall was now blank… Except for the huge, life-like self portrait of her Captain that now decorated it.

_It looks… like a shrine!_

She stood up, and hurried over to it.

It was sketched in black and white in some sort of indelible pen.

_Captain...!_

Even though Rangiku was incredibly annoyed about the self portrait on her wall, she couldn't help but notice that it was very well done.

_I didn't know that he was an artist._

_But, why the hell did he do this?_

As she peered at it, she noticed a little note from her Captain at the bottom.

'_Thanks for decorating my walls, Matsumoto. I thought I should return the favour. Signed, Captain Hitsugaya.  
>P.S. The words on my wall were only created using normal spray paint. Of course, I managed to wipe them off, with Captain Kurotsuchi's assistance. I drew the self portrait with a special substance from Kurotsuchi's lab. It won't come off. Ever.'<em>

It was after this that Rangiku screamed.

* * *

><p>"Captain!" Rangiku screeched, storming into the office.<p>

_Result._

"Yes, Matsumoto?" Tōshiro asked, not looking up from his work.

"Why the _hell_ did you draw yourself on my walls?" she demanded.

"Why not?" Tōshiro replied.

"Why not? _Why __not?_ Because!" Rangiku said angrily.

Tōshiro smirked.

_I didn't realise she would get so riled up._

"I was returning the favour, Matsumoto. Surely, if you think that you can destroy my walls, I can do the same to yours?" Tōshiro asked 'reasonably'.

"But…" Rangiku trailed off.

"At least yours is artwork." Tōshiro noted.

"This is a full-out war!" Rangiku declared.

"Between us?" Tōshiro asked, pretending that he wasn't bothered when, in fact, his heart was racing.

_Oh Christ. What have I gotten myself into?_

"Yes! I've got a team!"

"So have I." Tōshiro lied.

_Well,__ it__'__s __not__ really __a __lie.__ I_ will _have__ people __on __my__ side__ by__ the__ end__ of__ the day._

Tōshiro knew that no matter what he said, his Vice Captain would start the war. She was determined to 'best him'.

"I'm going to win!" Rangiku told him, frowning.

"Possibly. But you do know that I could have you arrested for insubordination whenever I want?" Tōshiro asked, raising a snowy white eyebrow.

Rangiku froze for a second, before smiling sweetly. "You wouldn't do that, Shiro-chan! After all, what would people say about how you, and how you run your Squad? They'd say: '_Dear __me,__ that__ Shiro-chan.__ He __couldn__'__t__ even__ handle__ his__ amazingly __beautiful__ Lieutenant.__ He__'__s__ obviously__ not__ a__ very __good __Captain.__ I __wouldn__'__t __want__ to __be__ a__ part__ of __his __Squad.__'_ Wouldn't they?" she questioned.

"That's… blackmail!" Tōshiro said, outraged.

"Is it?" Rangiku grinned, before sauntering out of the office.

_That's it. _

_She's right. It's a full-out war._

* * *

><p>As Rangiku mentioned, it's now a full-out war. But, I was curious. You know how at the end of these chapters, Rangiku usually seems to have the upper hand? Well, who would you guys want to see 'winning'? Toshiro and his soon-to-be team? Or Rangiku and her ever-growing team? Please review and tell me!<em><br>_


	13. Narration

Author's note: Hey guys! Wow! I was completely gobsmacked by the response to the last chapter! Almost twenty reviews! (: Thanks SO much! Please continue with that amount! Hehe. Maybe I should set a goal...? Yes! Good idea (RUUUUUN - I have an idea!). Can we try and aim for... 120 reviews? (: Maybe I'm just greedy...? Oh well, thanks guys!  
>Oh, and before I forget: I got an idea from '<em>ZodiarkSavior'<em>. It was: "Set him up on a date with a gay guy." That'd be funny, but I don't wanna bring any OCs into this, and I can't think of any obviously gay characters. So I was thinking that I could get someone (not necessarily from the 'Hitsugaya Annoyance Team' - Rangiku's side) to _pretend _to be gay. Question is: Who? You tell me! Thanks, and great idea, '_ZodiarkSavior'_!

* * *

><p><strong>One <strong>**Hundred**** Ways ****to**** Make**** Captain**** Hitsugaya ****Throw ****a ****Temper**** Tantrum.**  
>~Chapter 13~<p>

_Number Twelve.  
>Narrate his every move.<em>

"This is a full out-war now." Rangiku informed everyone.

"How'd you get him to agree to that?" Renji asked.

"I told him that he couldn't handle me. I blackmailed him!"

"But he can handle you." Ichigo pointed out. "He's one of the Captains in the Gotei Thirteen."

"Yeah, but-"

"He could be filling out the paperwork for your dismissal now." Shūhei commented.

"Oh." Rangiku said, stumped. "He wouldn't fire me, would he? I was only teasing him when I told him that he couldn't handle me."

"I dunno. I'd fire you, if I was him." Renji said, unhelpfully.

"Gee, thanks, Renji." Rangiku said sarcastically. "Do you think I should apologize?" she asked.

"Yeah. But, we've still gotta win this war, right?" Kenpachi asked, grinning at the mention of the word 'war'.

"Alright." Everyone agreed.

"Had he got people on his side?" Shunsui asked, scratching the back of his head.

"He said he does. But we don't know who." Rangiku told him.

"Er, what do you mean 'Narrate his every move'?" Momo asked, biting her bottom lip.

"Well, if you see him walking towards… I dunno… the Fourth Squad Barracks, then you go up beside him and say: '_Shiro-chan __is __now __walking__ towards__ the __Fourth__ Squad__ Barracks.__ Shiro-chan __is __now__ looking__ annoyed.__ Oh,__ and__ Shiro-chan__ has __just__ tripped__ over__ an __un-seated __Shinigami._' You know!" Rangiku said.

"Oh! Okay." Momo nodded, still seeming confused.

"Let's go!"

* * *

><p>Before she did anything, Rangiku thought she should apologize for being mean to her Captain.<p>

_I don't want to be demoted!_

She didn't really mean what she said – it was just the only way to get him annoyed enough to join in.

She skipped into the office, and saw that – unsurprisingly – her Captain was doing paperwork.

_Be subtle when questioning him about my possible dismissal…_

"Good morning, Captain Hitsugaya!" she said cheerily.

"What have you done?" Tōshiro asked blankly.

_Why is he so suspicious_…_? Gee_…__

"What? Nothing! …I just wanted to apologize for what I said yesterday." Rangiku said.

Tōshiro looked up suspiciously. "What did you say yesterday?"

"I blackmailed you." She said, smiling. "But I want to let you know that I didn't mean what I said. I just wanted you to join in. And…if you don't want to join in, it's okay."

__…_But we won't stop annoying you!_

"Oh." Tōshiro was silent.

"You're not going to fire me, are you?" she said suddenly.

Tōshiro was silent.

"Captain!" Rangiku wined. "Please don't."

"Maybe…" Tōshiro appeared to be thinking. "Maybe I'll just… Hmm."

_He's doing that thinking-thing that he knows really annoys me._

"Let me see…"

Rangiku dismissed the urge to roll her eyes.

"I'll get back to you on that one."

"Are you seriously considering it?" she asked, actually scared.

"Are you actually considering not doing any work today?" Tōshiro replied, bored.

"Fine." Rangiku huffed, sitting down.

_I'll have to leave annoying him to the others, until I know if I've got my job!_

* * *

><p>Tōshiro smirked to himself as he exited his office.<p>

_Well,__to__ say__ it__ was_ her _who started __the__ '__prank__ war,__' __I__ seem __to__ have__ the__ upper__ hand__ at __the __moment._

_She__'__s__ frantically __doing __paper work __in__ order__ to _not _get__ fired._

But the truth was, that Tōshiro wasn't really considering firing her.

Sure, she was annoying as hell, and didn't actually _do_ anything, but – as much as Tōshiro hated to admit it – he had a soft spot for his Lieutenant.

She had – on certain occasions – proved herself to be a serious, loyal person, with good fighting skills.

Tōshiro sighed, and noticed the Eighth Squad Captain strolling up to him.

"Good morning, Captain Kyōraku." Tōshiro said.

"Tōshiro Hitsugaya, the Captain of the Tenth Squad, says 'Good morning' to one of his fellow Captains."

Tōshiro raised his eyebrows quizzically.

"Shiro-chan then proceeds to raise his eyebrows in confusion." Shunsui said.

"What are you doing?" Tōshiro asked, peering at the taller man.

"It seems as though Shiro-chan is confused. He is asking questions now." Shunsui said, ignoring Tōshiro's question.

Tōshiro scowled, and started to walk faster – in order to get away from the possibly-drunk Captain.

"Shiro-chan is speeding up! He obviously wants to get away from me!" Shunsui called out.

* * *

><p>Tōshiro was on his way to the Sixth Squad Barracks. As weird and as unlikely as it seemed, Tōshiro wanted to ask Byakuya to be on his team.<p>

_He'll probably say 'no'._

_But it's worth a try._

However, on his way, he passed his Momo.

"Good morning, Hinamori." Tōshiro said, nodding at her.

"Shiro-chan greets his child-hood friend Momo Hinamori." Momo said timidly, as she walked past the white haired Captain.

Tōshiro stopped.

"Shiro-chan then stops walking." Momo narrated.

"Stop it." Tōshiro said, turning around and frowning.

"He is now being assertive. It seems as though I am putting him off… whatever he was supposed to be doing. He's frowning." Momo said.

_Hmph…_

"Why are you on Matsumoto's side?" Tōshiro questioned, wondering why she wasn't on his 'team'.

"Shiro-chan is now questioning my motives." Momo said, giggling slightly.

Tōshiro rolled his eyes, and stormed off.

As he walked, he heard Momo say: "He is now walking off in a huff."

_I am not!_

* * *

><p>Tōshiro made it to Byakuya's office without any further interruptions.<p>

He knocked on the door, and heard Byakuya's cold voice. "You may enter."

_Here goes… nothing._

Tōshiro walked inside, and went up to the desk where Byakuya was writing a report.

The Sixth Squad Captain looked up, and brushed his dark hair out of his eyes. "Captain Hitsugaya." He nodded.

"Captain Kuchiki." Tōshiro nodded in reply.

"Can I do anything for you?" Byakuya asked, putting his brush down.

"I hope so." Tōshiro told him. "This is going to sound… childish, but I was hoping that I could persuade you to be a part of my… 'team'." Tōshiro said, feeling stupid.

"Please elaborate."

"Well, my Vice Captain has decided to start a prank war. He constant tricks are becoming frustrating, and I have decided to retaliate. However, I can not do it without a team."

Byakuya looked at him disdainfully. "You want me to be on your 'team' in a prank war?"

"Yes."

"And why would I do that?" Byakuya questioned.

"Because, as I'm sure you've noticed, your Vice Captain is on Matsumoto's team. If we win, we will be able to make them work extra hard." Tōshiro said, hoping that Byakuya would think about it.

Byakuya was silent.

_Yes? No? Maybe?_

"And if we lose?" Byakuya asked eventually.

"…We won't. Not if I can get a good team together." Tōshiro said confidently.

Byakuya sighed, and closed his eyes. "Alright. I'll be a part of your team, as long as it doesn't cost me too much time."

_Result!_

"Thank you, Captain Kuchiki." Tōshiro said, nodding his head.

* * *

><p>Tōshiro was walking back to his office, deep in thought.<p>

_At least I have one team member._

_And Captain Kuchiki is quite intimidating. _

_I believe that he will be an asset.  
><em>

Tōshiro was so lost in thought that he didn't notice a certain red-haired Shinigami bound up to him.

"Hey, Shiro-chan!" he said, slapping the small Captain on the back.

_Oh God. Why is he here? Surely he should be doing paperwork or something? _

"Don't you have somewhere to be?" Tōshiro inquired, flinching slightly.

"Shiro-chan is being rather rude!" Renji narrated, pulling a sad face.

"Not you too." Tōshiro groaned, closing his eyes briefly.

_Matsumoto's team is rather persistent._

"Shiro-chan seems most put-out!" Renji exclaimed mockingly.

"Oh, shove off." Tōshiro muttered under his breath.

"Shiro-chan mutters something inaudibly." Renji said. "Repeat?"

"No." Tōshiro attempted to walk off with his pride still intact, but failed when Renji said: "Our cute little Shiro-chan seems to be in an unpleasant mood!"

_Why__…__?__ Why __me?__ What __have__ I__ done __to __the__ world?__ Why__ must __annoying__ people_ follow _me?_

Tōshiro was just about to comment, when Byakuya flash-stepped in front of Renji.

"Oh! Captain Kuchiki!" Renji bowed, flushing.

_He obviously should have been somewhere, doing something for Captain Kuchiki._

"Abarai. I believe I told you not to leave your office for the rest of the day." Byakuya said, his face straight.

"Yeah, but-"

"No 'buts'. Get back to work. You'll be working until eleven o'clock tonight, as punishment." Byakuya said coolly.

"That's not fair!" Renji complained. "I was just getting some fresh air!"

"Are you arguing, Abarai?" Byakuya asked, his eyes narrowed.

Tōshiro watched the entire scene, feeling like he was intruding.

_Hm. He treats his Lieutenant harsher than I treat Matsumoto._

_Maybe I shouldn't be so lenient?_

"Not at all, Captain." Renji said, bowing again. "I'll happily work 'till eleven."

"Good. Get back now." Byakuya instructed.

Tōshiro watched as the red-head walked off glumly.

"Thank you, Captain Kuchiki." Tōshiro thanked.

"It's fine. He needed to start working. And… besides. What are team members for?" Byakuya asked hesitantly, his face straight.

* * *

><p>Tōshiro strode into his office, and collapsed onto his desk chair.<p>

He hadn't slept very well the night before because – as sad as it seemed – he had been kept awake stressing over whom he thought he could get in his team.

He glanced upwards, and was shocked to see his Lieutenant bent over a piece of paper, scribbling frantically.

"…Matsumoto?" he asked.

"Yes, Shiro-er, I mean, Captain?"

"Have you been working the entire time I was out?" Tōshiro asked.

"Yes."

_Wow. A day I never thought I'd live to see._

"Have you made your mind up about firing me?" she asked.

"Captain Kuchiki and I have decided to keep you and Abarai under inspection for next few days to determine whether or not we should allow you to keep your positions." Tōshiro lied.

"What, Abarai got dragged into it as well?" Rangiku gasped.

"…Obviously."

Rangiku smiled. "Shiro-chan is currently realizing that he doesn't want to fire his super-cool Vice Captain, because he loves her too much. He thinks that she's too much of an asset!"

"Don't push your luck, Matsumoto." Tōshiro mumbled, allowing himself a brief, hidden smile.

"He is now smiling, although he thinks that his Lieutenant can't see him." Rangiku whispered.

"Matsumoto." Tōshiro warned.

"He is now angry." Rangiku said quietly.

Tōshiro took a deep breath in, and calmed himself by thinking of all of the paperwork Rangiku would be completing over the next few days, under 'inspection'.

_I think I've won today's fragment of the 'prank war'._

…_She and Abarai are both working._

Tōshiro smirked, before he was interrupted by Rangiku.

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, he is _smirking._ What's up with that?"

…_It's going to be a long few days._

* * *

><p>Another (haha) author's note: When Rangiku narrated "...because he loves her too much" she wasn't meaning love-love, merely friendship-love. But you can take it any way you want! :P Review, please! (: Muchly appreciated.<em><br>_


	14. Plushies

Author's note: Hey guys! Thanks for all your kind reviews! (: Thanks to '_CrossroadsofLife_' who suggested a tally at the end of the chapter. Rangiku's team is the 'Hitsugaya Annoyance Team', and Tōshiro's team is the 'Retaliation Team' (cause he only retaliates, haha). Thanks to '_tii-chan17_' who thought of both of those names. They belong to her! (: I also added the points of the last chapter to the tally at the end.  
>Credit for this chapter's idea goes to '<em>Minichae'. <em>Thanks!  
>Please review, guys! It brings me happiness. And isn't Christmas a time for giving? Haha.<p>

Now that we're on the subject, I hope you all have a merry Christmas (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop x

* * *

><p><strong>One<strong>** Hundred**** Ways ****to**** Make**** Captain**** Hitsugaya ****Throw**** a**** Temper**** Tantrum.**  
>~Chapter 14~<p>

_Number Thirteen.  
>Throw plush toys at him as he walks past.<em>

"Yay! Plushies!" Yachiru enthused, bouncing up and down on Kenpachi's shoulder.

"Where, may I ask, are we going to get all of the plushies from?" Yumichika asked, delicately raising an eyebrow.

"I've got a few at home." Ichigo commented.

Everyone turned to stare at him.

"What? They're my sisters'!" Ichigo said defensively.

"Yeah, like that talking one you carry around all the time." Renji teased. "Can't sleep without it, Ichigo?"

"Shut up!" Ichigo punched Renji in the shoulder.

"Excuse me? Let's not get distracted, _children._" Rangiku said, grinning.

"Yeah!" Yachiru agreed. "I wanna throw plushies at Shiro-chan!"

"That's the spirit! But we have to be careful. He's got Captain Kuchiki on his team." Rangiku informed everyone.

"Ah, Byakuya-kun?" Shunsui asked lazily. "He's competitive. Deep down."

"_Way _deep down." Renji commented quietly.

"Yeah. He's probably gonna get more team members. But just remember. We aren't targeting his team. We're only targeting _him_. 'Kay?"

"'Kay." The group responded.

"Right. Now, I would like everyone to meet back here – the Eighth Squad Office – in twenty four hours, with as many plushies as you can find!" Rangiku instructed.

"Can I get a Senkai gate opened to the Real World, please?" Ichigo asked.

"Sure!"

And with that, each of the members of the 'Hitsugaya Annoyance Team' went their separate ways.

* * *

><p>Ichigo raided through the soft toys in his room, wondering why he had so many.<p>

Although he had told everyone that they belonged to his sisters, he had to admit that a good half of them were his.

_I really should throw them out._

_Or give them to Yachiru or something._

Just then, Kon (who was wearing a pink tutu) ran up to him.

"Ichigo! Is Nee-san with you?" he asked.

"No. Does it look like she's here?" Ichigo asked, reaching out and throwing Kon against the wall out of habit.

After Kon had stopped face planting Ichigo's bedroom walls, floor, and ceiling, he started to tear up.

"Nee-san's not here?"

"No!" Ichigo said, infuriated. "She's in Soul Society."

"Oh."

"Why are you dressed like that, Kon?" Ichigo asked, heaping his soft toys into a plastic bag.

"Well, I-"

"Forget it. I don't wanna know."

"Ichigoooo! You're so mean! Nee-san's never mean to meeee!" Kon whined.

"Shut up, or I'll stuff you in this." Ichigo held up a moldy-looking toy duck.

"Alright, alright."

* * *

><p>Renji flash stepped to the Eighth Squad Offices; a few plush toys in his arms.<p>

He hadn't been able to find many; the only ones he had were the ones that he had 'borrowed' from Captain Kurotsuchi's lab.

…He wasn't quite sure what they did.

Renji stepped inside, and was greeted by an unbelievably large pile of neon fluff.

"How'd we get so many?" Renji asked Momo.

"Um, Kurosaki-san had a reasonable amount. Matsumoto-san had quite a few. Captain Kyōraku had none…" she was interrupted by Kenpachi.

"Yachiru and I had loads." He told Renji.

"G-Great, Captain Zaraki." Renji said, slightly worried about the 'I' part of the Captain's sentence.

"Everyone, huddle round!" Rangiku enthused, as she started to explain when and where to throw the toys at her Captain.

* * *

><p>Tōshiro was minding his own business, working in his office, when Yachiru popped inside.<p>

"Shiro-chan!" she cried, beaming.

"It's Captain Hit-" Tōshiro didn't get to finish his sentence, as he was hit in the face by a fluorescent orange plush toy dog.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, shoving the too-bright toy off his desk.

But Yachiru was gone.

Tōshiro rolled his turquoise eyes, and continued writing.

_It's probably just a Lieutenant Kusajishi thing._

…

Tōshiro had been working for an hour with no interruptions when a certain bald Shinigami came strolling into his office.

"Yo, Shiro-chan." He greeted.

Tōshiro sighed. "What do you want, Madarame?"

"This!"

Ikkaku pulled a good number of toys out of his Shinigami robes, and started pelting Tōshiro with them.

"Oi! Stop it-" Tōshiro was interrupted when he was hit in the face. "Madarame, I said-" he was hit on the head.

_It__'__s__ obviously_ not _just__ a __Lieutenant__ Kusajishi__ thing…_

Tōshiro decided that ignoring the bald Shinigami was the only useful thing to do.

So, he sat at his desk, continued writing his report, and tried desperately to ignore the snickering Third Seat who was throwing toys at him.

…

As soon as Rangiku came strolling into the office, Tōshiro wanted to run. It had become an automatic reaction whenever he saw a flash of gold hair, the smell of a floral perfume, or the giggling of an over-excited Lieutenant.

"Sit down, Matsumoto. Please complete the paperwork I've put on your desk." Tōshiro said, watching her curiously.

"Fi-ine." Rangiku dragged out the word into two syllables. "Hey, Shiro-chan?"

_Hmph._

Tōshiro closed his eyes, and inhaled sharply. He had given up trying to tell her to call him 'Captain Hitsugaya.' She only called him that when she either needed something, or had broken something.

"Yes?"

"When do I come off inspection?" she asked.

Underneath her desk, Rangiku held a few soft toys. She didn't want to throw them at him straight away.

She needed to make sure that, if she pelted him with fluff, he wasn't going to fire her.

"When I have made my decision." Tōshiro told her, smirking to himself.

Rangiku rolled her eyes, and started working.

* * *

><p>Half an hour into it, Rangiku reached for the pale pink unicorn which was sitting on her lap.<p>

_I'm so bored._

After glancing at her Captain (he was absorbed in his work) she threw the unicorn as hard as she could.

It hit Tōshiro's ink well, causing it to tip over and spill all over the report Tōshiro had been working on.

_Oops._

Tōshiro's head jerked upwards. "MATSUMOTO!" he yelled.

Rangiku shuddered – the temperature in the room had dropped.

It was freezing.

_Ooh. Is he going to throw a temper tantrum?_

Rangiku watched her Captain half eagerly, and half uneasily.

She watched as he stood up, and strolled over to her.

She gulped.

"I'm… sorry?" she said, giving him a sheepish smile.

Tōshiro took a visible breath in, and scowled at his Vice Captain. "You obviously enjoy working late, don't you?" he asked.

Rangiku was surprised. "What do you mean? You know I _hate _working late!"

"Well then. You will work until eleven o'clock tonight. You will rewrite my report for me. _And,_ in addition to that, you can clean my desk for me."

Rangiku's mouth dropped open.

"You can thank me later." Tōshiro said, storming outside and locking the door.

_Darn it._

Rangiku sighed, and pushed her work to one side.

She had all day – and all night. She may as well do something constructive first.

So Rangiku reached for her hair brush, and started braiding her hair.

* * *

><p>When Tōshiro stepped outside, he automatically looked to see if he could see any suspicious looking people.<p>

So, he was, of course, incredibly unsurprised to see most of the Gotei Thirteen – save for Byakuya – standing outside of his office armed with plush toys.

_It's becoming dangerous to go outside._

"Go!" Renji shouted.

Tōshiro took a step backwards, as every _single _person started to throw their toys at him.

Said white haired Captain was in the middle of saying something, but his words were muffled. "Oomph!"

Blindly, Tōshiro took a step forward, but ended up tripping over a lime green giraffe.

Unintelligently, he stayed sprawled out over the entrance to his office, becoming covered in the growing pile of toys.

_Why must the Gotei Thirteen persist in annoying me?_

_Don't they have anything better to do?_

…_I've obviously got to get most of them on my team._

Tōshiro scrambled around blindly, trying to break out of the pile.

Finally, he managed to get to the top. He took a deep breath, and attempted to look dignified.

Most of the Gotei Thirteen were laughing at him.

Captain Kyōraku was laughing to himself – Captain Ukitake was absent.

_I__'__ve__ obviously__ got __to __get _him _on__ my __side._

Captain Soi Fon was smirking, next to her unattractive Vice Captain, who was guffawing loudly.

Momo was smiling gently to herself.

_Traitor. _

Tōshiro stood up, and was just about to walk off – dignity _almost_ intact – when Ichigo yelled out: "Heads up!"

And then, a stuffed toy lion hit him on the nose.

He was just about to toss it aside, when it clung to his arm.

_What the hell?_

Desperately, he shook his arm, attempting to get the strange creature off.

"Do you know where Nee-san is?" It asked.

Tōshiro freaked out. He was not expecting the hideous thing to talk.

"Ahh!" he yelped, throwing the toy high in the air. "Get away from me!"

Tōshiro was expecting the tutu-wearing _thing_ (Kon) to drop onto him, and so he drew his sword; ready to slice it into a million pieces.

Luckily for him, someone else got there first.

"Scatter, Senbonzakura." Came the quiet, monotonous voice.

"Ahh!" Kon yelled, before his body was shredded.

Silence followed, as everyone watched the small, green pill drop from the shredded toy, and roll off.

"Damn. I'm gonna have to get him a new body." Ichigo muttered.

Silence remained.

Tōshiro looked around awkwardly. "Feel free to leave. There's nothing to see here." He said.

Everyone murmured, and walked off, a few people were sniggering, a few were chuckling.

"Um, thanks." Tōshiro murmured to Byakuya, who was standing on his roof.

"Indeed." Byakuya said, before shunpo-ing off.

Tōshiro scowled, stood up, and strode into his office, where Rangiku was having hysterics.

"Aw, Shiro-chan, you're so cute!" she enthused. "Being scared of a speaking soft toy."

"I wasn't scared. It… gave me a fright." Tōshiro said lamely.

"Sure."

"You're going to pull an all-nighter tonight, Matsumoto." Tōshiro commented.

"What? Why?" Rangiku moaned. "I wasn't even outside!"

"But it was your idea, was it not?"

Rangiku was silent.

"Good. Looking forward to seeing you in the morning." Tōshiro said, before stalking outside.

* * *

><p><em>Tally<em>

_The 'Hitsugaya Annoyance Team' - 0  
>The 'Retaliation Team' - 2<em>

* * *

><p>Also, a special thanks to '<em>vampire13princess<em>', who helped to fix a VERY important gender issue (: I appreciate it!  
>(I thought that Nii-san was female, but it is actually Nee-san. Oops! That's what I get for not researching!)<p> 


	15. Hide 'n' Seek

Author's note: Hey! I hope you guys all had a nice Christmas and New Years! :P I decided that the winner of each chapter will be the group _least _annoyed at the end of said chapter. (:

Er, for those of you who don't know (but sure everyone will!), hide and seek tag is just like normal hide and seek, but you have to tag the person you just found. If they get away without being tagged, then they can re-hide, and will have to be re-found. That's how I use to play it, anyways! (:

Thanks SO much for all of your reviews! Hehe. Please continue to do so!~

* * *

><p><strong>~ One Hundred Ways to Make Captain Hitsugaya Throw a Temper Tantrum. ~<strong>  
>~Chapter 15~<p>

_Number Fourteen.  
>Play 'Hide and Seek Tag' in his house.<em>

"Hide and Seek Tag! Yay!" Yachiru chirped, bouncing up and down on Kenpachi's shoulder. "Can I be 'it' first?"

"Sure, Vice Captain." Yumichika assured her.

"When are we gonna 'play'?" Ikkaku asked.

"Well, I was thinking tonight." Rangiku answered.

"Tonight? I'll be asleep." Shunsui commented lazily.

"It's okay if you don't want to be a part of this one." Rangiku said.

"Right." Shunsui said, yawning.

"How do you play?" Shūhei asked.

Everyone stared at him.

"What? I never played it as a child." Shūhei said, holding his hands up defensively.

"What kind of childhood did you have?" Rangiku wailed dramatically.

"It was fine, actually. We-" Shūhei started to say, but was cut off by Rangiku's hand patting his head.

"Don't worry, Hisagi! We'll teach you the art of 'Hide and Seek Tag'!" she said enthusiastically.

* * *

><p>After thoroughly checking his house for stray Lieutenants, wandering Captains, lost seated officers, andor Ichigo, Tōshiro managed to drift off to sleep.

He had only been asleep for an hour or two, when he felt something climbing into his bed.

He shot upright, his turquoise eyes wide with fear.

"Who's there?" He demanded into the dark, his voice shaking with fear.

_I thought I'd locked my doors… and windows…_

"Shaddap! You'll give the game away, Shiro-chan." Came the masculine, tough-sounding voice.

It was Kenpachi.

Automatically, Tōshiro recoiled, and pressed himself up against his bed frame.

_Wah!  
><em>

_O-Of course. I should have known that it would be someone from Matsumoto's group._

"What the hell do you think-" Tōshiro started to say, but was silenced by a strong hand clamped over his mouth.

"Be a good kid, and keep your mouth shut. I don't want Yachiru to find me." Kenpachi hissed, pulling Tōshiro's dark blue blanket over his head.

His spiky hair was visible through said blanket.

_Why me…?_

_What have I done to be punished by having Matsumoto as my Lieutenant…?_

"Lie down." Kenpachi instructed. "Try to act natural."

_It's hard to 'act natural' when you have a massive, scary brute hiding under your blankets with you._

But Tōshiro didn't voice his thoughts. Instead, he lay down awkwardly, and squeezed his eyes shut.

_It's all just a dream._

_A really _bad _dream…_

A few minutes later, Tōshiro heard small feet padding around outside his door.

He resisted the urge to yell 'Kenpachi's here!', because, although shouting would get rid of his Kenpachi problem, he would receive a punch in the shoulder by said Captain, and would also be greeted by the sight of Yachiru, which wasn't something he wanted.

So Tōshiro was silent.

But it didn't make any difference, as Yachiru pulled open the door, and immediately flicked on the light.

_My eyes!_

Tōshiro blinked, his eyes slowly adjusting to the brightness of the room.

Yachiru immediately raced over to Tōshiro, and pulled his blanket off the bed, revealing a grinning Kenpachi.

The pink haired girl reached out, and slapped Kenpachi's arm.

"Tag! Gotcha, Ken-chan!" she said, beaming.

Tōshiro rolled his eyes.

"MATSUMOTO!" he yelled.

There was a bang, a crash, a high-pitched squeal, and then both Rangiku and Shūhei emerged from Tōshiro's wardrobe.

_They were in there the whole time…?_

"You wanna play, Captain?" Rangiku asked innocently.

"No. I want you to get out of my house." Tōshiro said coolly.

"Aw! You're no fun!" Rangiku whined, flinging an arm around Shūhei. "We're teaching Hisagi how to play!"

Tōshiro simply stared at Rangiku, a slightly sceptical look on his face.

"Go and teach Lieutenant Hisagi the art of 'Hide and Seek'-"

"Hide and Seek _Tag_." Yachiru interrupted.

Tōshiro ignored her.

"-somewhere else." He instructed.

"But…"

"Now." Tōshiro said firmly.

By now, the entire group of 'hiders' had gathered around Tōshiro's bed.

_Zaraki, Yachiru, Hisagi, Abarai, Kurosaki, Madarame, Ayasegawa, Matsumoto, and… Momo._

_They're all freaking here._

"Leave, now." Tōshiro said, reaching for his Zanpakutō.

Rangiku smiled, and grabbed the arms of Shūhei and Yumichika.

"Let's go."

And with that, the entire group trooped out of Tōshiro's bedroom.

_What are they up to now?_

* * *

><p>After an hour of not being able to sleep, Tōshiro finally managed to drift off into a peaceful slumber.<p>

"He's asleep." Rangiku, who had been in charge of monitoring Tōshiro's every movement, announced. "Who wants to be 'it' now?"

"I'll do it." Ichigo said, lazily raising an arm.

"Okay! Count to… one hundred and forty nine then." Rangiku decided, as she dashed off to hide somewhere.

"One… two… three... four… five…"

… 

"…one hundred and forty seven… one hundred and forty eight… one hundred and forty nine!" Ichigo hissed to himself. "Ready or not, here I come!"

He dashed off into the living room on his left, and started examining all of the possible hiding places.

_Hm._

After thoroughly checking the room with the aid of the torch Renji had brought, (and completely missing Ikkaku who was hiding under a low coffee table), Ichigo stalked out of the living room.

_Rangiku-san told me to check_ _Tōshiro's room last, so that I didn't wake him up before we finished the game…_

_So, where should I check..?_

Ichigo made his way into the bathroom, and immediately noticed Yumichika in front of the mirror.

"Er, tag." Ichigo said, placing a hand on Yumichika's shoulder. "…Why were you not hiding?"

"One of my feathers wasn't straight. It wasn't very beautiful." Yumichika commented.

"Alright." Ichigo shrugged. "Let's go and find the others."

* * *

><p>"Found you, Yachiru." Ichigo announced, right outside Tōshiro's bedroom. He didn't get a chance to tag her, however, as she squealed, and immediately started running.<p>

Because she was the last one to be found, every member of the group started chasing her.

"We're gonna wake him up." Ikkaku yelled to Rangiku.

"That'll annoy him!" Rangiku grinned, and narrowly missed tripping over a stray coat stand.

The group continued in their pursuit of Yachiru all around Tōshiro's house.

As they passed Tōshiro's bedroom for the third time, Yachiru looked back behind her, and giggled as she realised just how close Ichigo was to catching her.

"Bakudō Number Sixty One. Six Rods Prison of Light." Came Tōshiro's cold voice.

Rangiku shrieked as Ichigo was trapped in the six light rods, therefore stopping him from moving.

"I remember asking you to leave my house." Tōshiro said, narrowing his turquoise eyes at the group.

Kenpachi guffawed.

"Shiro-chan! We were only playing!" Yachiru said crossly, folding her thin arms.

"Yes, but you shouldn't be playing in my house." Tōshiro said evenly, not wanting to upset the pink haired Lieutenant.

"Aw!" she frowned at Tōshiro.

Silence.

"…Captain, are you gonna let Ichigo go if we leave?" Rangiku enquired, pitying the Substitute Shinigami.

"…If you make sure that you don't come back." Tōshiro said.

"Fi-ine." Rangiku scowled, and made her way to the door.

* * *

><p>The following morning, Tōshiro went to the Sixth Squad Barracks.<p>

He knocked on Byakuya's door, and waited for the reply.

"Enter."

Tōshiro strode inside, and stopped in front of Byakuya's desk.

He opened his mouth to speak, but was silenced by the Kuchiki Noble.

"I heard about my Lieutenant's misconduct last night."

Tōshiro exhaled. "Oh."

"He is currently finishing my paperwork, as a punishment." Byakuya said.

"So is Matsumoto. But… I want to do something to annoy them." Tōshiro said, frowning. "Well, I say 'them', but I think we should target only Matsumoto and Abarai."

"I agree. But, what did you have in mind?"

"I was thinking… we could make them temporarily deaf." Tōshiro started.

Byakuya raised an eyebrow.

"You know. We could get something from Captain Kurotsuchi."

"And how will that be of benefit to us?" Byakuya asked.

"Erm, it'll annoy them…?" Tōshiro said. He meant to make his sentence sound like a statement, but it came out sounding like a question.

So, Tōshiro was a little surprised when Byakuya sighed slightly, and said: "If you think it'll infuriate them, then I'll help you."

Tōshiro nodded his head. "Thank you, Captain Kuchiki."

* * *

><p>Rangiku was sitting at her desk, doing paperwork (surprisingly), when Byakuya knocked on the door to her shared office with Tōshiro.<p>

"Come in." Tōshiro said.

Both Byakuya and Renji stepped inside.

Renji was complaining to his Captain. "Why did ya drag me over here…?"

"Enough, Abarai." Byakuya said harshly.

"What brings you here?" Tōshiro asked, pretending as though he didn't know.

"I thought that you and your Lieutenant might like to try this tea." Byakuya said.

Rangiku's eyes widened.

_Captain Kuchiki is… acting host?_

_Hm. I didn't realise that he was so friendly._

"Yes, please." Rangiku said, smiling at Renji.

"I could'a jus' had mine at the office." Renji grumbled, sitting on the edge of Rangiku's desk. "You didn't need to drag me here."

Byakuya ignored his Vice Captain's ramblings, and handed out the tea.

After Rangiku and Renji had had a sip or two, Tōshiro started smirking.

"What's so funny?" Rangiku asked.

Tōshiro said something, but Rangiku couldn't hear him clearly.

"What was that?" she asked, tucking her hair behind her ears in a futile attempt to hear him better.

Tōshiro mouthed the same words, and gestured to the tea.

"I can't hear you!" she wailed.

_I can't hear _me _either._

She also couldn't hear the sounds of the Tenth Squad training, the birds chirping, or the sound of paper blowing in the wind.

And then she realised what was happening.

_They've… made me deaf…!_

And for some unexplainable reason, Rangiku found it extremely funny.

_Aw! He's finally joining in!_

"Renji can you hear me?" Rangiku screeched, glaring at her Captain.

She wasn't going to let her Captain know that she was amused.

Silence.

Renji didn't react. He was too busy inspecting the tea, his eyes narrowed.

_I'll take that as a no…_

Tōshiro smirked, and grabbed a bit of paper. He scribbled on it for a second, before shoving it in Rangiku's face.

'_I wished for silence last night. Now I'll watch you enjoying the silence I wish I'd had. You can thank me later.' _– it read.

Rangiku scowled.

_Darn. He's so mean!_

Tōshiro passed her another piece of paper.

'_I'm such a nice Captain.' _– it read.

Rangiku looked up at Byakuya, who was also writing notes to Renji.

"Captain!" Rangiku screeched, not actually sure if she was speaking.

Both Tōshiro and Byakuya flinched, and covered their ears.

_Heh…_

_I must be really high-pitched._

Rangiku nudged Renji, and started shrieking.

She had _no _idea what she sounded like, how high-pitched she was, or even if she was making a noise, but Renji soon caught on.

He, too, started yelling.

Byakuya threw Tōshiro 'a glance', that obviously said 'our Lieutenants are deranged'.

Tōshiro nodded, said something, and the two Captains left the room hurriedly_,_ obviously afraid of damaging their ears._  
><em>

_We got rid of them!_

Rangiku reached for a piece of paper, and wrote on it.

'_I think we won this round. We can say that we couldn't do our paperwork, 'cause we were to traumatized by the fact that we were temporarily deaf.'_

Renji nodded, and the two settled into a game of tic, tac, toe.

* * *

><p><em>Tally<em>

_The 'Hitsugaya Annoyance Team' – 1  
>The 'Retaliation Team' – 2<em>


	16. Asking Him Out

Author's note: Hey guys! Thanks for the HUGE response last chapter! (: Ahaha. It means A LOT to me, because I have no life. Credit for the 'Retaliation Team's' HQ goes to sayo-chan64. She also gave the comments about the other possible HQ places (:

Also, I give no disrespect to any pairings possibly mentioned in this fic.

But, without further ado, here is chapter sixteen!

~Rainbow Fruit Loop x

* * *

><p><strong>~ One Hundred Ways to Make Captain Hitsugaya Throw a Temper Tantrum. ~<strong>  
>~Chapter 16~<p>

_Number Fifteen.  
>Ask him out, and pester him when he says 'No'.<em>

"Well, obviously Hinamori and I can't help in this challenge." Rangiku said, tossing her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder.

"Why not?" Ikkaku asked, frowning. "I don't want to ask him out."

"Well, first of all, we're both female. We don't want him to actually say yes!" Rangiku began. "Secondly, Momo is his friend. We don't want to do anything to kill their friendship."

Momo nodded eagerly.

"And lastly; I'm his Vice Captain! Don't you think it'll be really awkward if I ask him out?" Rangiku said, looking around at the group of males.

"Che. I guess you're right." Shunsui said lazily.

"Of course I'm right. I'm always right." Rangiku said, smiling.

"So you want _us _to ask him out? What, like, pretend we're all gay?" Ichigo asked, frowning.

"Yep! Is that a problem?" Rangiku asked, faking concern.

"…I guess not." Most members of the group replied.

"Good." Rangiku smiled. "This _has _to annoy him. He hates people in his personal space, so get all clingy."

Renji grinned sadly, and shook his head. "I'm _so _gonna lose all of my dignity…"

"What dignity?" Shūhei asked. "You lost all of your dignity that night when you got really drunk and decided to-"

"Enough about me." Renji interrupted hastily. "Let's get on with this."

* * *

><p>Tōshiro and Byakuya made their way to the Thirteenth Squad Barracks.<p>

"Do you think he'll agree?" Tōshiro asked.

"Yes." Byakuya replied.

The two men walked in silence.

_Captain Kuchiki doesn't say much…_

When they got to the Thirteenth Squad Barracks, Tōshiro knocked on the door of Jūshiro's office.

"You may enter." Jūshiro's called, his voice soft.

_Here goes… nothing._

Tōshiro and Byakuya entered.

"Ah! How nice to see you, Byakuya-kun, Shiro-chan." Jūshiro greeted, a smile on his face. "What can I do for you?"

"I'm sure you're well aware of the childish 'Prank War' between my Vice Captain and myself." Tōshiro started.

_I'm making my situation sound incredibly naff…_

"Indeed." Jūshiro nodded.

"And, in order to attempt to stop this 'war', I decided to create my own team." Tōshiro said.

Jūshiro nodded, and tucked a strand of snowy white hair behind his ear.

"So far, it is only Captain Kuchiki and I on my team. And so I was wondering if you would be a part of the team?" Tōshiro asked.

Jūshiro smiled. "Of course! I couldn't deny a fellow Shiro-chan!" he enthused.

_Um, yeah._

"R-Right." Tōshiro said. "Thanks."

Jūshiro smiled. "What would you like me to do?"

"Er, nothing at the moment. I only retaliate to my Lieutenant's pranks. I do not instigate anything."

Jūshiro raised his eyebrow. "Ne, that's disappointing. Still. I'll help you whenever I can. Do you have head quarters?" he asked.

Byakuya shook his head. "Do you think it would be a good idea?"

"But of course!" Jūshiro beamed at his two fellow Captains, who were both surprised at his enthusiasm.

"Where?" Tōshiro asked.

"Well, definitely not your Division's Barracks," Jūshiro addressed Tōshiro. "for obvious reasons. Is Vice Captain Abarai part of Vice Captain Matsumoto's team?"

Byakuya nodded.

"Che, I'm surprised you let him get away with it." Jūshiro observed good-naturedly.

Byakuya said nothing, but inhaled sharply.

"Anyway, if your Lieutenant is part of the opposing team, then the Sixth Squad Barracks are out of the question." Jūshiro pondered.

_He's really thinking deeply about this._

"Your mansion is infiltrated daily by the Shinigami Womens' Association, Byakuya-kun, so… Well. Why don't we make _my_ office the head quarters?" Jūshiro finished excitedly.

"Yes. Thank you." Tōshiro nodded.

_I think having a head quarters is a good idea._

…_I can take refuge in it whilst Matsumoto is being exceptionally annoying._

Byakuya, too, nodded. "Thank you for your time, Captain Ukitake."

* * *

><p>After speaking with Jūshiro for a few more minutes, Tōshiro made the mistake of walking back to his office by himself.<p>

A certain Fifth-Seat wandered up to him.

"Hello, Shiro-chan~." Yumichika sang, a wide smile on his face.

"Good morning, Ayasegawa." Tōshiro grumbled.

_What does he want…?_

"So, Shiro-chan… I was wondering… if you wanted to come out for a meal with me?" Yumichika said, placing a hand on Tōshiro's shoulder.

_What?_

"Is this something Matsumoto's made you do?" Tōshiro asked, narrowing his eyes.

Yumichika's eyes welled up with fake tears. "You think that my love for you is a joke?" he asked, sniffling slightly. "I can assure you that I speak from my heart." He placed his hand gently on Tōshiro's chest.

_Argh!_

_What do I say to him…?_

_I think that if I say what I want to, he may be offended. Because: "No way in hell, Ayasegawa" seems a bit harsh._

Tōshiro took a step back.

"Er…" Tōshiro trailed off, and, for the first time in his life, wished that he was with either Byakuya or Jūshiro.

_They'd know what to say…_

"Please. Please. Please. Please. Plea-" Yumichika began.

"Stop speaking." Tōshiro instructed, rubbing his temples.

He could feel a hangover coming on, which was quite irritating seeing as though he hadn't been drinking.

"Well, why don't you think about it?" Yumichika asked, running one of his hands through Tōshiro's spikey hair.

Tōshiro flinched, and managed _not _to grab his Zanpakutō and slice off the other man's hand.

"S-Sure. I'll get back to you…" he said hesitantly.

Yumichika grinned, and skipped off.

"I'll be waiting for your answer!" he called over his shoulder.

Tōshiro breathed a sigh of relief, and ran his hand through his hair in an ineffective attempt to re-spike it into its previous style.

Taking a deep breath, Tōshiro continued on his way to his office.

_Was Ayasegawa being serious? Or was he 'obeying' Matsumoto's orders?_

However, Tōshiro didn't have time to ponder as, as soon as he stepped into his office, he was embraced.

Not able to resist the urge, Tōshiro pulled away violently, and pushed at the person in front of him.

It was Shunsui.

"What do you want, Captain Kyōraku?" Tōshiro asked irritably.

"I would like you."

"I beg your pardon?" Tōshiro said, honestly not having heard Shunsui.

Shunsui took a step forward, and placed one of his hands on Tōshiro's head, the other on his shoulder.

_Urgh… Why must people continually touch me…?_

As he pulled out of Shunsui's grasp, Tōshiro knew that Matsumoto was up to her usual tricks.

_At least I don't have to worry about Ayasegawa anymore._

Tōshiro raised his eyebrow at the sleepy-eyed Captain in front of him.

Shunsui bent down so that he was at eye contact with Tōshiro. "Shiro-chan. I think you're a fabulous person, and I would very much like to take you out somewhere." He said, a smirk on his unshaven face.

"No." Tōshiro said. He walked around Shunsui, and sat down at his desk.

"Ne, you're so mean, Shiro-chan!" Shunsui whined, sitting on the edge of Tōshiro's desk. "Please say yes! You don't want to break my heart, do you?"

"…Tough luck." Tōshiro muttered.

Shunsui looked out of the window, before he gasped, clambered over the desk, and crouched down behind it.

"What the hell-" Tōshiro started, but was stopped by Shunsui's finger on his lips.

"Ssh. I just saw Nanao-chan in the window. She's coming in to give you some paperwork. I told her that I was going to the Thirteenth Division to do some important paperwork with Jūshiro." Shunsui whispered.

As if on cue, someone knocked on the door.

"Enter." Tōshiro said, slightly confused.

It was, indeed, Nanao.

"Hello, Captain Hitsugaya. I have here some paperwork that was accidentally delivered to my Squad." She said, handing Tōshiro a large stack of papers.

"Thank you, Lieutenant Ise." Tōshiro thanked.

"Captain Kyōraku, I know you're behind the desk." Nanao said, pushing her glasses up.

Shunsui popped up. "Aw. How could you tell?" he asked.

"I could smell sake." Nanao said. "Now, please, sir, come back to the office and do your paperwork."

Grudgingly, Shunsui agreed.

He was just about to exit, when he looked back over his shoulder.

"Don't forget about my offer, cutie."

Tōshiro scowled, and stifled a shudder.

* * *

><p>It was half an hour before Tōshiro was going to leave the office for the day.<p>

Throughout the remainder of the day, he had had Ichigo, Kenpachi and Ikkaku come up to him and 'ask him out'.

He had spoken to both Byakuya and Jūshiro, who had decided that, as 'retaliation', Tōshiro should accept the offer of the next person who asked him out.

That would certainly make the person think twice about their 'offer'.

However, Tōshiro was praying fervently that no one else would ask him.

_My dignity would evaporate._

But, as fate would have it, the door crashed open, and there stood Renji.

_No…_

"Hey, Shiro-chan!" he said, grinning. "Hey Matsumoto!"

"Hey Abarai!" Rangiku replied.

Surprisingly, Rangiku was at her desk. Tōshiro highly suspected that she was in the office for the sole reason so that she could witness Tōshiro's obvious discomfort.

"May I ask why you are in my office?" Tōshiro asked.

"I have something to ask you." Renji said, a serious look on his face.

He strode up to Tōshiro, and grabbed his hands.

Tōshiro couldn't suppress a shudder of disgust at the contact.

"You are an absolutely amazing Captain, and I like you very much. Will you be my boyfriend?"

Tōshiro had to stop himself from choking.

_Even though I know it's only Matsumoto's foolish game… I hate it._

_And I'm going to have to accept his stupid offer._

Behind Renji, Rangiku giggled.

Tōshiro took a deep breath. "Sure."

Renji's eyes widened with fear and panic. "Oh, er…"

Tōshiro smirked. "I very much feel the same way about you, Vice Captain Abarai." He lied.

_Ha.  
><em>

…_Take that._

Tōshiro was expecting Renji to apologize for his behaviour, and assure the Captain that what he said was only a joke.

So Tōshiro was highly unprepared for when Renji turned around to Rangiku, shrugged, and then proceeded to throw his arms around the startled Captain.

"Good Tōshiro." He said, petting his hair.

_… I made the wrong move._

* * *

><p><em>Tally<em>

_The 'Hitsugaya Annoyance Team' – 2  
>The 'Retaliation Team' – 2<em>

* * *

><p>So, what do you think Renji did when he was drunk? Please tell me in a review! (:<p> 


	17. A Date

Author's note: Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait. I've been pretty busy updating other fics, writing one-shots, reading Death Note (not blaming anyone *cough_tii-chan17_cough*), and generally being busy. Oops. But I hope that you can forgive me!  
>I know that, when I'm doing idea requests, I usually start with the earliest, but I thought that this idea, suggested by ZodiarkSavior, would fit perfectly here! (:<p>

Thanks for all of your LOVELY reviews! I'll try to update more quickly this time!

~Rainbow Fruit Loop.

* * *

><p><strong>~ One Hundred Ways to Make Captain Hitsugaya Throw a Temper Tantrum. ~<strong>  
>~Chapter 17~<p>

_Number Sixteen.  
>Set him up on a date with another guy.<em>

"And so _that _is why we think that having you on our team would be really cool, Captain-Commander Yamamoto." Rangiku said, bowing at the bald man in front of her.

Yamamoto stroked his beard, and slowly opened his eyes. "You would like me to be on your 'team'?"

Rangiku nodded.

The entire 'Hitsugaya Annoyance Team' had decided to ask their Captain-Commander to be a part of their team. Although it would have been a lot easier to get Shunsui to ask Yamamoto, Shunsui was under 'office arrest'.

…Nanao had resorted to actually _forcing _him to do the paperwork.

"You would like me to be on a team against three – possibly more – of my Captains?"

Again, Rangiku nodded, although, this time, hesitantly.

_He doesn't sound like he's going to accept…  
><em>

"Well, I will accept your offer. Why not spice up life here?" Yamamoto asked, his eyes twinkling.

Rangiku paused, shocked.

_Wow! I was sure he would say no!_

"Thank you very much, Captain-Commander Yamamoto!" Rangiku gushed, bowing again.

"What would you like me to do…?" Yamamoto asked.

Rangiku grinned to herself. "Well, there is _one _thing…"

* * *

><p>"Hello, Shiro-chan!" Momo greeted, walking into the Tōshiro's Office.<p>

"It's _Captain Hitsugaya_ to you." Tōshiro said, not looking up from his work.

_I don't have time for talking._

"Sorry." Momo smiled sweetly. "Anyway, I bring good news!"

Tōshiro inhaled sharply, and glanced at his Lieutenant out of the corner of his eyes.

She was smiling up at Momo, and nodding her head encouragingly.

"I don't have time." Tōshiro said grumpily.

"But you'll love it!" Momo enthused.

"Yeah, c'mon, Captain! Hear her out! She's your friend, isn't she?" Rangiku said cheerfully.

Grudgingly, Tōshiro looked up at his friend. "Make it quick, Hinamori."

"I've found you a date."

"I don't need a date." Tōshiro said without a second's hesitation.

"But you always seem so lonely!" Momo said, shaking her head. "And this person seems really nice!"

"No." Tōshiro said.

"A date?" Rangiku asked, acting as though she knew nothing. "Wow! You should definitely go, Captain."

"Matsumoto, I know that you're a part of this. Don't act ignorant." Tōshiro said, really not in the mood to talk.

"Aw! How did you know?" Rangiku asked, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

_Is she being serious?_

"Never mind that."

"Oh! I understand why he doesn't want to go on this date!" Rangiku announced, suddenly out of her chair.

She walked over to Tōshiro's desk, and gave him a sweet smile.

"Why?" Momo asked.

"Because he's being loyal to Renji!" Rangiku gushed, reaching forward to ruffle Tōshiro's air affectionately. "He really _does _have feelings for him!"

"I am _not _being 'loyal' to Abarai." Tōshiro snapped, getting more and more annoyed. "There is nothing happening between Abarai and I."

"But you accepted his offer to be his boyfriend."

Tōshiro narrowed his eyes, at a loss of what to say.

_That really was the wrong move._

_I was hoping that I would scare Renji into apologizing._

_I was hoping that he would make a fool of himself._

_I… I didn't expect him to actually become my 'boyfriend'._

Since Renji had accidentally become Tōshiro's 'boyfriend', the two hadn't really had a conversation. Sure, Renji had come up to the small, white haired Captain to hug him, or pet him, or kiss him on the cheek (and had left hurriedly after such displays of 'affection'), but Tōshiro hadn't actually had the chance to 'break up' with him.

"I-" Tōshiro started, but was interrupted by Rangiku.

"Hinamori, I think you should call the date off. I mean, his loyalty to Renji is just so cute!" Rangiku said, grinning.

"…Who is this date with…?" Tōshiro found himself asking.

"We're not telling." Momo said slyly.

Tōshiro sighed.

_I should go on this 'date' to prove that I didn't _really _accept Abarai's offer._

"I'll go." Tōshiro said grumpily.

"Yay!" Rangiku enthused, obviously over her mini-obsession with Tōshiro and Renji's 'relationship.'

After giving him the necessary details, Momo left the office.

Tōshiro slumped in his chair, already completely annoyed.

"You're a pain. You do know that, don't you, Matsumoto?" he said.

Rangiku pouted. "I'm trying to help you out, Captain."

"Lying doesn't suit you." Tōshiro told his Vice Captain.

"So you're saying that being honest suits me? Aw, thanks so much! You're too sweet!" Rangiku said, pleased with the not-quite-a-compliment.

_That's not _quite_ what I meant…_

Tōshiro rolled his eyes. "Start working."

* * *

><p>As much as he didn't want to admit it, Tōshiro was nervous. Not because he was taking this date seriously, but because he didn't trust Matsumoto.<p>

_Which is sad, really. I'm supposed to trust her – she's my Vice Captain._

_Well. She's _supposed _to be my Vice Captain. She doesn't really do much._

Tōshiro looked around the small restaurant, hoping to see a female wearing-

He looked down at the bit of paper in his hand.

-a red scarf.

He looked around again, and noticed Yamamoto.

_What…What's Captain-Commander Yamamoto doing here?_

He was wearing a red scarf.

_It's just a coincidence…_

But then, Yamamoto noticed Tōshiro, and made his way over.

"Good evening, Shiro-chan." He said, deadly serious.

Tōshiro flinched, but hastily recovered. "Good evening, Captain Commander Yamamoto. What… what are you doing here?" he asked politely.

"I'm your date." The old man said, allowing a small smile to form on his lips.

Tōshiro's eyes widened in fear.

_No…!_

"I-I beg your pardon?" Tōshiro asked, sure that he had misheard the old man in front of him.

"I'm wearing a red scarf, am I not?"

"Yes, but I'm sure that's just a coincidence…" Tōshiro said.

_I will kill Matsumoto._

_And I will make sure that it is a slow and painful death._

"Come now. Let us sit!" Yamamoto said cheerfully.

He gestured to a small, candle-lit table next to the window.

_Great. Any Shinigami that passes will be able to see us._

Hesitantly, Tōshiro made his way over, and sat down.

He was desperately trying to think of excuses.

_Maybe I can tell him that I'm sick?_

_Maybe I can tell him that I'm allergic to restaurants? _

_Maybe I can tell him that I'm a little busy preparing to kill my Lieutenant?_

_Maybe I can tell him that I've discovered that I am, in fact, an Arrancar?_

_No. I don't think he'd believe any of those excuses._

And Tōshiro knew that he couldn't simply 'run away' from the Captain-Commander.

He gulped.

"So, er, Captain-Commander, what would you like to eat? Or, er, drink." He finally managed to choke out.

The old man gave Tōshiro a smile. "I'll let you choose."

_Of course you will._

After ordering a glass of wine, and two chicken salads, Tōshiro realized that he was going to have to casually converse with the bald man in front of him.

He tried desperately to think of something to say which would be witty and amusing, and yet not offensive.

"Those really are some stunning eyebrows." is what ended up coming out of Tōshiro's mouth.

_Ah… My life sucks._

"Well, thank you very much. I take great pride in them, you see." Yamamoto said, his eyes twinkling good-naturedly. "I can tell you how to groom your eyebrows like this, if you would like. It's a family secret, but I think I can make an exception."

Unable to do anything else, Tōshiro nodded helplessly.

"See, I use this special conditioner which really helps to make the hair soft, and, therefore, silky smooth…"

_I _must _remember to kill Matsumoto later._

* * *

><p>After Toshiro and Yamamoto had finished their very awkward – in Tōshiro's opinion – meal, Yamamoto decided that he wanted desert.<p>

_Why must he prolong this agony…?_

But, of course, Tōshiro obeyed, and raised his hand in order to summon a waiter.

As they waited, Yamamoto spoke up.

"Thank you for a very pleasant evening, Shiro-chan." He said.

Tōshiro nodded absentmindedly. "It was…. nice."

_Nice in the same way that shoving bamboo shoots up your nails is nice._

Yamamoto smiled slightly, and grasped Tōshiro's left hand, which was on the table.

Tōshiro wanted to shudder at the physical contact, but refrained as he didn't want to be burnt to ashes for being rude.

"You're a very good Captain, Shiro-chan. I feel that you would make a lovely partner."

Tōshiro gave a scared smile. "Y-Yeah… I, er, think the same about you, Captain-Commander Yamamoto."

Yamamoto waved his hand dismissively. "Please, call me Genryūsai."

"Alright…"

But then, at that moment, Tōshiro noticed a certain red-haired nuisance walk by the window.

Said nuisance's jaw dropped open in surprise at seeing the two men sitting together at a candlelit table.

_Can my life get any worse…?_

"I wonder what Vice Captain Abarai is doing here?" Yamamoto wondered.

"Here to make my life hell." Tōshiro grumbled as Renji stormed through the door of the restaurant.

"I beg your pardon?"

"Nothing!" Tōshiro said brightly, smiling at the powerful man across from him.

Yamamoto raised a well-groomed eyebrow as Renji raced across the room, and stood at Tōshiro's side.

Everything was going to plan.

"What is this…? Are you… cheating on me…?" came Renji's quiet, yet angry voice.

Tōshiro sighed, and glanced between the two men.

Renji's face was bright red, and his amber eyes were angry. Yamamoto, on the other hand, was looking calm and collected. However, he was looking rather bemused.

_Is the Captain-Commander serious about this date? If I explain to him that Renji is my 'boyfriend' because I haven't had a chance to 'break up with him' yet, will he be annoyed? Will I be turned to a pile of ashes?_

_Oh God._

_Please, Aizen, kill me now._

_I'm literally begging you._

"Vice Captain Abarai, please explain yourself." Yamamoto instructed, his lines perfectly learnt.

"Well, you see, Captain-Commander Yamamoto," Renji broke off to bow, "Shiro-chan here is my boyfriend. So it upsets me to see him with another man."

"We're not… I mean, it's not like… It's more of a… What I'm trying to say is…" Tōshiro couldn't form a coherent sentence.

"You _are _cheating on me!" Renji cried suddenly.

The entire restaurant went quiet.

_Why did I think 'Can my life get any worse'?_

_Of course it can._

Renji's eyebrows furrowed in anger and determination.

Before Tōshiro knew what was about to happen, Renji had reached out and slapped him _hard _across the face.

Tōshiro inhaled sharply, taken by surprise by the vicious 'attack'.

"Thanks for nothing, jerk!" Renji cried, his eyes welling up with fake tears.

…_And there it is. _

Tōshiro stood up, ready to begin a fist fight with his 'boyfriend', when he felt Yamamoto's hand on his arm.

"Sit down." He instructed.

Tōshiro obeyed meekly.

Renji sent one last glare at Tōshiro, before sprinting out of the restaurant.

Tōshiro sighed, and brought a hand up to his stinging cheek.

"The nerve of that Vice Captain. I will make sure that Captain Kuchiki punishes him." Tōshiro grumbled.

He looked up at his Captain-Commander, who was looking anything _but _amused.

"Now, then, Shiro-chan. You have let both Vice Captain Abarai and myself down. I suggest that you go and get counseling for your dishonest behaviour." Yamamoto said sternly.

Tōshiro could do nothing but hang his head in shame and nod.

_Matsumoto… I _will _kill you._

"Good. Now, I will leave you for tonight. I trust you don't mind paying for the bill?"

He left without an answer.

Tōshiro threw his arms up in exasperation, only to knock over one of the candles.

Of course, the white tablecloth set on fire. The orange flames flicked out at anything and everything, and started scorching the table underneath.

_Oh my God!_

Tōshiro had to hurriedly throw a glass of water over said table to stop the flames.

_This 'date' has been horrendous._

He looked upwards and noticed a waiter by his side.

"You will have to pay for the cost of a new table, and tablecloth." He told Tōshiro.

Tōshiro sighed, and controlled his anger. He would take it out on his Lieutenant later.

_At least we didn't end up having desert._

* * *

><p><em>Tally<em>

_The 'Hitsugaya Annoyance Team' – 3  
>The 'Retaliation Team' – 2<em>


	18. Heater

Author's note: Wait… is this… really… an update…? OMG. Wow! Achievement! I'm really, really sorry for the incredibly long wait! Please don't hate me! I've been insanely busy, and I've had _so many freakin' multi-chapter fics to update. _Add that to the fact that I'm notoriously bad at updating, and… voilà! You get a really late update! Ah…  
>The song mentioned in this fic "Yellow Submarines" is not owned by me. It's owned by "The Beatles". And, although I make fun of it, I don't have anything against it.<br>Lately, I've been receiving a lot of reviews about how Toshiro could escape the wrath of Matsumoto, and, although I _love_ the reviews, I can't really write what's suggested, because then there'd be no story. But, thanks for the suggestions! Also, quite a few people wondered why Yamamoto accepted the date thing. Just a reminder: _This is a crack fic. (:_ It's not supposed to make sense, because, if it did, then Matsumoto would have been fired already. (:  
>Anyways, thanks to "Tiger of Emerald" for this chapter's idea!It made me laugh! (:<br>Thanks to all of you wonderful, amazing, fantabulous people who reviewed the last chapter! It made me happy (:

~Rainbow Fruit Loop.

* * *

><p><strong>~ One Hundred Ways to Make Captain Hitsugaya Throw a Temper Tantrum. ~<strong>  
>~Chapter 18~<p>

_Number Seventeen.  
>Buy a heater for his house, and make it one hundred degrees.<em>

Rangiku sneezed as she strode into the office, and pulled her scarf tighter.

She really didn't like almost freezing to death.

_Damn him…_

After the 'disastrous' date with Captain-Commander Yamamoto (Rangiku actually thought that it went exactly as planned), Tōshiro hadn't come back to the office… the _friendliest _of people.

Of course, he had been seething, and had frozen Rangiku to her chair, demanded that she pay for the restaurant reparations, told her that she wasn't allowed to stop working for a month, and then left her.

But, of course, Rangiku didn't count that as 'throwing a tantrum.' It needed to be more… extravagant.

So she continued on in her 'quest'; as dangerous as it may be.

Rangiku considered herself valiant like that.

"Hello, Captain~!" Rangiku said cheerfully, plonking herself down on her desk chair. "How are you on this lovely, bright, sunny day?"

"You're late." Tōshiro muttered, refusing to look her in the eye. "Get started on your work."

"Aw, you're so mean, Shiro-chan!" Rangiku whined as she pulled a piece of paper off the top of her ever-growing pile.

"Yes. But I'm your Captain, so you will do as I say." Tōshiro said coldly.

Rangiku snickered to herself.

Her Captain's icy attitude was a source of great amusement to the blonde; although she wasn't quite sure why.

But at least her snickering helped to further annoy the little white haired Captain.

"Something funny, Matsumoto?" he growled.

Rangiku sat up just a _little _bit straighter in her chair, and beamed. "No, nothing is funny here, Captain. There is nothing within this room which makes me want to laugh hysterically. I cannot sense anything amusing inside-"

"Start working."

* * *

><p>"Welcome back, Matsumoto." Renji grinned, as Rangiku strode into the Eighth Squad Barracks; also known as 'The Head Quarters'. "We thought you'd died."<p>

Rangiku poked her tongue out at the tattooed man in front of her, and sat down on the provided chair.

"How are you feeling?" Momo asked kindly.

"Cold. Miserable. Achy. But Captain Unohana gave me some good medicine." Rangiku informed the group. "It tastes like black jellybeans."

"Have you come up with another plan?" Kenpachi demanded, not really caring about the silly blonde's health.

"Yup! I thought, why not fight… er, ice with fire?"

"Eh… You want to set fire to something…?" Shunsui asked, slightly skeptical. "I'm not sure if that's a good idea, Rangiku-chan…"

"No! But, if we bought a heater, then we could put it in his room, and make sure that it was boiling!" Rangiku enthused. "Then he'd be all hot, and it would annoy him! He hates anything slightly warm!"

The group looked at each other.

"Um, wouldn't he just turn it off…?" Momo asked hesitantly.

Rangiku paused. "Oh. Uh… Any suggestions?"

"We could do kido on it, and stop it from being tampered with!" Yachiru suggested from her usual spot on Kenpachi's back. "That would be fun, aye Ken-chan?"

'Ken-chan' ignored her.

"Yeah… but he's a kido expert. He'd be able to undo most of the spells we put on it." Shūhei said.

"Hm… Well, what if we broke it?" Renji suggested.

"Yeah, that'd work." Ichigo rolled his eyes. "Yeah, great. You're an idiot."

"No!" Renji held up his hands defensively. "If we got, say, Captain Zaraki to hit it with some of his reiatsu, then we could probably damage it enough so that he couldn't turn it off, but it would still work."

Rangiku grinned, and glanced over at the Captain of the Eighth Squad – the Shinigami with the most experience in the group. "Would that work?"

"Neh, I don't see why not." Shunsui observed. "As long as Captain Zaraki doesn't damage it _too _much."

Kenpachi just grinned.

"I can't promise anything."

… … … … … … … …

Five heaters later, the group had finally managed to produce a heater that was damaged enough _not _to be 'fiddled with', but _wasn't_ a pile of ash on the ground.

Because, strangely enough, a pile of hot ash didn't quite seem to have the desired effect.

"How are we going to get it into his house?" Ichigo pondered out loud. "He's probably very aware of us now. It'll be hard for us not to get in without him noticing us."

"That's true…" Rangiku agreed. "Well, we'll have to do it when he's in the office. I'll distract him, and Momo, Renji, and Shūhei, can put it in his bedroom."

Momo smiled. "Do you think this will work?"

Rangiku raised an eyebrow. "I hope so. This has gone on for long enough."

* * *

><p>"<em>We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yellow submarine. We all live in a yellow submarine, yellow submarine, yell-" <em>

"Matsumoto, you're really irritating me." Tōshiro warned, rubbing his temples. "I'm trying to leave. I _want to go home." _He clarified.

At the current moment, Rangiku was desperately trying to stop Tōshiro from going home. It had been only ten minutes since the little group of three had set off for Shiro-chan's house.

They wouldn't be done by now.

_Trust my Captain to choose to go home early _today _of all days._

Rangiku frowned, and stopped her 'performance'.

She had decided that singing a 'lovely, lovely song' to Tōshiro might embarrass him enough to make him stay a bit longer.

And the song "Yellow Submarine" was the first thing that had come to her mind, as tragic as it was.

"Aw, Captain, I was trying to impress you with my singing abilities!" Rangiku whined, still buying time. "I practiced especially for you!"

Tōshiro gave her a cold stare. "I suggest that you practice some more, then. And sing it to someone who cares."

He made his way over to the door.

Rangiku frowned.

_He's going to leave! And I told everyone that I'd distract him! I can't fail!_

So Rangiku resorted to her last option.

She ran up to Tōshiro, and glomped him.

"Don't go, Shiro-chan!" she wailed. "Please stay…!"

"Matsumoto…" Toshiro growled.

Rangiku interrupted him. "It's just, I've been so lonely since Gin left, and there's no one I can talk to, and, and-"

She broke off to sniff loudly.

"I'm just so saaaadddd!" she howled, fake tears rolling down her face.

Tōshiro shifted uncomfortably in her too-tight embrace. "Please, let me go, Matsumoto." He said firmly.

Rangiku let go, and pouted at her Captain.

"Matsumoto… can't you find someone else to talk to about your… problems?" Toshiro asked helplessly.

He wasn't really good at the whole comforting-thing.

_Damn… How do I keep him here without sounding like a stalker…?_

Rangiku sniffed. "Okay. I'll find someone else to talk to, if you don't care… Do you… do you have a tissue?"

Tōshiro rolled his eyes slightly, before striding over to his desk, and pulling a tissue box out of one of his drawers.

"Here. Use as many as you need. I'm going to go now… alright…?" Tōshiro crept closer to the door.

Rangiku frowned to herself.

_Grr… I can't do anything to stop him from leaving…_

"Your tissue box confuses me." Rangiku found herself saying. "Can you teach me how it works?"

Tōshiro looked like he was going to burst a vein.

Slowly, and with a forced calmness, Tōshiro made his way over to his blonde Lieutenant, and stood beside her.

"You hold this tissue like this, right? And then… you pull." Tōshiro demonstrated slowly.

Rangiku's face lit up. "Ah! I see how that works! It's so clever!" she admired. "You're so smart, Captain!"

Tōshiro frowned to himself, seriously worrying about his Vice Captain's mental capabilities.

"Well done, Matsumoto." He said sarcastically. "I'm leaving now."

* * *

><p>Tōshiro strode into his house with a splitting headache, as was a result of being within three meters of his irritating Lieutenant for more than a minute.<p>

Really, he had been lucky to get away from her.

_Why did she feel the need to sing…?_

_And such a hideous song, too.  
><em>

But, as soon as Tōshiro entered his bedroom, he was hit with a wave of almost _nauseating _heat which distracted him from his thoughts.

_Oh… my… God…_

_I'm going to burn…_

Tōshiro winced at the warmth, and – covering the majority of his face with his hands - looked around in an attempt to locate the source of the high temperature.

_There._

He strode over to the boiling hot heater, and flicked the 'off' switch.

Nothing happened.

_Why isn't the switch moving…?_

_Gah… it's too hot… can't breathe…_

Tōshiro didn't really do sweltering heat. It seemed to choke him, and that wasn't really a pleasant feeling. Choking to death.

Tōshiro bashed at the switch a few more times for good measure, before sighing melodramatically.

_Is it… broken?_

_Has it been… tampered with…?_

"…Matsumoto!" he yelled, exasperated. He knew that she wouldn't be able to hear him, but yelling her name often made his anger lessen.

…Just slightly.

_Too… hot…_

Tōshiro reached for his Zanpakutō, and waved it around wildly. He probably looked slightly manic at this point, but Tōshiro was past caring.

"Sit upon the frozen Heavens. Hyōrinmaru!" he screeched.

Almost automatically, Toshiro's bedroom was covered in ice.

_That's better._

Tōshiro smiled to himself, and was jut about to turn around and leave, when he noticed the ice on his windowsill melting.

_Oh God…_

Tōshiro could do nothing but watch as the ice in his bedroom slowly turned to water.

It ran down the walls, dripped off his furniture, and soaked _everything _in its path.

…_The heat is winning… _

Tōshiro learned something that day.

Electricity does _not _go well with water.

There was a sudden fizzing, and then the entire heater started sparking. Smoke started to appear, and Tōshiro coughed.

His eye twitched, and his hands curled themselves into fists.

But he knew what Matsumoto was up to. And he knew that he couldn't throw a tantrum.

So he did what any sane person would do.

He turned sharply on his heel, left his house, and made his way back to the office.

Tōshiro's resulting bellow was heard all round Seireitei.

* * *

><p><em>Tally<em>

_The 'Hitsugaya Annoyance Team' – 4  
>The 'Retaliation Team' – 2<em>

* * *

><p>Edit: A special thanks to 'tii-chan17' for correcting an error for me! (: I appreciate it!<em><br>_


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